Hesitation Generation

Hesitation Generation

Hesitation Generation. So as I travel around then ‘net, I also take note of what is happening in my own backyard. What I have seen is an odd and somewhat disturbing trend.

I am the Project Manager for Able2know and in some ways it’s got its finger on the pulse. But, a caveat, the pulse is rather limited. This is a mere fraction of the web and therefore, by extension, an even tinier fraction of the world. Yet this is the world I know, and so I will report on it.

Relationships

A2K is a generalized Q & A website where people can post all manner of questions. The availability and quality of the answers varies greatly. Keep in mind: no one is paid to answer questions on Able2know.

Hence inquiries about voltage are generally answered with an admonition to hire a licensed electrician. Requests for medical advice are answered vaguely, and nearly always involve telling the poster to follow up with their personal physician. Inquiries about the law receive a nearly identical treatment, save for the advice to contact an attorney.

And then there’s relationships.

You don’t need a degree in psychology to be able to dispense advice. Anyone who appears to be clinically depressed is told to seek treatment. Anyone who appears to be abused is advised to leave, and to contact their local authorities.

But it’s the people in the middle who I’m talking about.

Communications

What does it mean when someone stares at you? What is a good idea for a first date? How do I ask someone out? How do I get someone to ask me out? And the saddest – how do I get over a heartache?

And it’s amazing to me (and it really should not be anymore) how many people are paralyzed at the thought of actually speaking to the object of their desire. They wait and think they are seeing signals, and then they ask what those supposed signals mean. It’s like reviewing the Zapruder film, frame by agonizing frame.

My advice is usually – ask.

  • How do you feel about me?
  • Do you want to go out for coffee?
  • Are you seeing anyone right now?
  • What would you like to do together?

So many of them thank me and promise they will ask (I have heard back from some, and  they tend to report either success or relief that they finally know).

But why the heck couldn’t these people have figured that out from the get-go?!?!?!

Back to Ike

It can be a little bit like the 1950s, where girls preen and sit by the telephone, waiting for Prince Charming  to deign to call – and heaven forfend he should take more than 20 minutes to get on the stick and call! And guys hem and haw about the most letter-perfect thing to say, when the reality is that the perfect thing to say is something, as that beats the pants off saying and doing absolutely nothing. The same is true in non-cis relationships, of course.

Hesitation Generation
Ubuntu Kitty Smart Phone Preview (Photo credit: j_baer)

I’m not so sure who that dynamic favors, except for the phone companies. Because minute numbers go sky high, and Facebook’s advertisers benefit as people check each other’s statuses and relationship statuses obsessively. And  then they get to serve yet more ads.

It seems as if everyone wants to fast-forward through the movie, and cut the suspense. Instead, all they seem to want is the sunset and the fateful kiss. Dorothy clicks her heels together before she ever leaves Kansas. And nobody seems to miss the Munchkins and the Wicked Witch and the Tin Man and the rest of the middle part. All that matters is the destination, and never the journey.

Risks

Something is missing here, and what’s missing is the taking of chances. I get that these are generally rather young people. The vast, vast majority of them are between the ages of 13 and 28. That 15-year span is the worst – it’s a combination of raging hormones and self-absorption. But nowadays that’s spiked with a seemingly inbred inability to take a chance. Plus it’s all fueled by the artificial immediacy of far too much social media.

Hesitation Generation
Risk (Photo credit: The Fayj)

Instead of risk-taking, everyone seems to want the risks scrubbed out of their lives. They want the endgame handed to them on a silver platter yet refuse to do even a smidgen of the legwork required in order to get there.

Sample Size

A caveat – this is, to be sure, a small group of people. Furthermore, they are self-selecting. Very confident folk are far less likely to request advice in any endeavor. Plus there is the age issue, as I have already mentioned.

People in their forties ask relationship questions, too, but those tend to be different. They are less about an initiation of connections and more about either reentering the dating pool or the dynamic of being a parent (or dating one) while in the game.

Upshot, Kinda

So, where does that leave us?

An inability to take risks does not bode well. It clouds decisions on everything from trying a new brand of fabric softener to consenting to an experimental drug trial. It colors employment and investment choices, and keeps people out of new business ventures and away from new books, films and music.

The upside, naturally, is that it may be preventing sexually risky behaviors. That’s a good thing, of course.

However, risks are often good, and a life without them is rather dull indeed. It can be mindless consumerism as people give themselves the same personal rewards over and over again.

The trick, as in all things, is to find a balance.

And now, a bonus.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

Hesitation GenerationOne last thing – here, for free, is my standard heartache cure. Your mileage, of course, will vary.

 

 

 

 

  • Expect to feel lousy for a while, and understand that that is a natural reaction. Congratulate yourself – you were affected enough to really feel something.
  • Relationships often keep us from doing other things, such as seeing other friends. So spend some time with your friends.
  • Explore things to do on your own. Some are inward, such as making art or even baking cookies. Others are more outward, like taking a class.

More You Can Do

  • Fill up your time. Being busy gives you few opportunities to wallow in misery. Your boss is likely not without sympathy, but you still need to write the reports, etc. or do whatever it is that you do. Treat your leisure time a little bit more like a job, in the sense that you should make some commitments and stick by them. If your leisure time is to paddle a canoe, then paddle the damned canoe. Don’t back out of that.
  • Do something physical. Exercise can not only fill up your time, it can also help with depression.
  • Do something for someone less fortunate than you. Read to a blind person. Serve at a soup kitchen. Visit people in a nursing home. Volunteer at a group home. These actions don’t just help the community, they can also help you gain some sorely needed perspective.
  • Don’t jump into a new relationship right away. Being single does not have to automatically mean being lonely. This is a time to cultivate your inner resources.
  • If you think you need it – and in particular, if you are experiencing suicidal ideation – seek out the care of a professional. There is no shame whatsoever in getting the help that you need. If you need medical help to mend a broken heart, it should be no different from seeking medical help to mend a broken arm.

Enjoy the Bee Gees, Hesitation Generation.

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They used to call me Robot Girl

They used to call me Robot Girl

I haven’t blogged for a while. Yeah, I know.

I was uninspired, and didn’t want to just subject all two of my readers to my ramblings. Plus, I was looking for an actual day job.

Well, I found one. It’s a temping gig for a large financial services company which shall remain nameless. I am a Financial Analyst, preparing and running database reports. The job is rather similar to several other gigs I’ve held. And then I will be back in Social Media full time.

In the meantime, the Bot Boys are not forgotten, and I actually blog more for them that I had been. The need for Social Media exposure does not diminish just because I’ve got a new gig.

But I wanted to reach out, on this blog, for the first time in quite a while, to offer up some of the things I’ve learned along the way. So gather ’round, and hopefully I can help someone else to navigate the wild world of startups.

  1. The best gift that anyone can offer startups is money. Advice and expertise are great, and they are helpful, but it all pales in the face of do-re-mi. And while startup competitions may not want (or, truly, be able) to part with too much of it, it is money that is most needed because, to truly succeed, someone has to quit their day job. You know, the thing I just got a few weeks ago? Yeah. Someone has to take a flying leap into outer space – but that person still needs to be able to afford ramen and a futon.
  2. Speaking of ramen and futons, the startup game is, often, played by the young. This is not to say that those of us who were born during the Kennedy Administration have naught to offer. Rather, it is that we have mortgages. We may have children. We have lives that often require more than minimal Connector-style health insurance. We may have aging parents, credit card debt or any number of things that make living off ramen, on a futon, nigh impossible.
  3. However, this does not mean that the not-so-young do not have a place in the land of startups. But that place is often a different one. The enthusiastic feel of Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney
    Cropped screenshot of Judy Garland and Mickey ...
    Cropped screenshot of Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney from the trailer for the film Love Finds Andy Hardy. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    (now I’m really dating myself) yelling, “Hey, kids! Let’s put on a show! We can get the barn!” is replaced with “Let’s see if we can get this thing to work before defaulting on the mortgage/Junior needs braces/gall bladder surgery is required/etc.” Our needs are different, and we may be more patient with setbacks. This does not necessarily spell being less hungry but, perhaps, less able to truly go for broke. The not-so-young person’s role in a startup is often more advisory. We are the ones who can’t quit day jobs until the salaries are decent. And that day may never come.

  4. Startup events are best when they have a focus. Mass Innovation Nights, I feel, is something of a Gold Standard. There is a coherent beginning, middle and end to each event. It’s not just a lot of business card trading. The participants and the audience get good conversational hooks. Making contacts is vital – I hooked up with the Bot Boys at an event like that – but it can’t just be “Hey, let’s get a bunch of startups together, eat pizza and trade business cards!” The startups that are succeeding are too busy for such activities. And those that aren’t ….
  5. Cloud computing, apps and software companies are everywhere in the startup space. With the Bot Boys, we can stand out a bit as we are a hardware company. Having a product that people can see and feel is valuable amidst a sea of virtual stuff.
  6. The downside to that is that hardware companies have spinup problems that cloud computing companies just don’t have – app companies do not have to worry about shipping and packaging. They do not have to perform quality control checks on shipments. They do not have to work on product safety.
  7. No one wants to talk to the job seeker, but everyone wants to talk to the entrepreneur – and those are often the same person! Human nature is a bit odd in this area, but I have seen people who are barely past the “I’ve got this great idea I’ve sketched on the back of a napkin” stage where there is a flock of interested people swarming around, whereas a person honest about looking for work is often overlooked.
  8. Charisma counts. While one founder is going to be the inventor or the developer (the idea person), the other pretty much must be the socializer. Otherwise, even the best ideas are all too often buried. Someone must be willing and able to do public speaking, elevator pitching and sales. This need not be an experienced sales person, but that person has got to be a lot friendlier and a lot more fearless than most.
  9. Most startups and most entrepreneur groupings will fail, morph, coalesce or break apart before succeeding. And perhaps that is as it should be, for being nimble is one of the characteristics of a successful startup. If the product sells when it’s colored blue, but not when it’s colored green, dip it in dye, fer chrissakes!
  10. We all work for startups, or former startups. Even the large financial services firm was, once, a gleam in someone’s eye. Every invention started off as an idea. Even day jobs were, at one time, in places where the founders were living off that generation’s equivalent of ramen and sleeping in that era’s analogue to a futon. Yet somehow, against the odds, they made it.

And a lot of today’s startups can, too.

See you ’round the scene.

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Quinnipiac Assignment #6 – Social Listening

Social Listening

Social Listening

Quinnipiac Assignment #6 (Social Media Platforms) was all about social listening. So, what better thing to listen to than a rock band looking to hit it big?

Social listening is, essentially, the act of getting onto various social media platforms and just getting the lay of the land, as it were. I think that most people are inclined to just jump into the deep end. The problem with that sort of behavior is that it has no strategy behind it whatsoever. Furthermore, it is a way to commit all sorts of social (media) gaffes.

The truth is, when I first got into Twitter, Facebook, and blogging, I jumped in completely and utterly without thinking. In retrospect, that was rather foolish and impulsive. These days, I spend some time in the attempt to correct and repair some of the damage that that sort of non-strategy did to my online social media reputation.

This is not to say that things are so awful online. Not by any stretch of the imagination – the real problem is that I cannot seem to be able to take things to the next level. Hence, beyond attaining Social Media Certification (and possibly getting my Masters’ Degree in Communications with a Social Media concentration), I also want to learn how to handle myself better on social media. I probably have forums covered. But I could certainly use some help with Twitter and the like.

I had also never really gotten the hang of Google+.  Like a lot of people, the idea of dealing with yet another social network not only mystified me, it downright annoyed me. But social listening helped to get me to realize that there is a purpose to Google+ and that it is a different one from Facebook.

Oh, and here’s Rock ‘n Roll Predator by J-Krak (with much better sound than what I played in my video) –

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Quinnipiac Assignment #4 – Ad Astra Community

Ad Astra Community

The logo of STARFLEET International, the large...
The logo of STARFLEET International, the largest Star Trek Fan Club (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Quinnipiac Assignment #4 of my Social Media Platforms class was about communities. I chose to talk about Ad Astra, which is a Star Trek fan fiction writers’ community.

This video is about Ad Astra, of course, but it is more specifically about three separate personae. One is embodied by a member who goes by the user ID of trekfan. He is a writer and has a number of works on the site. He is an active Creator of content.

Another embodiment of the next persona is a member who goes by the user ID of Miranda Fave. He is a Critic. While he is also a writer (and, therefore, is also an active Creator of content), he is also the most prolific critic on this Star trek fan fiction writing site.

The third persona, an Inactive, was a member with the user ID of Hawku. I have seen this person elsewhere, and he is far more of a visual artist than a writer, hence he is more active elsewhere in the Star Trek fandom. Curiously enough, after I had posted this video, Hawku returned and added more content to Ad Astra. Was that because of my video? I do not think so. I suspect it was just a happy coincidence.

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Quinnipiac Assignment #3 – Facebook Network

Quinnipiac Assignment #3 – Facebook Network

Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook
Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The third assignment that I turned in for Quinnipiac University‘s Social Media Platforms class (Quinnipiac Assignment #3) was a mapping out of my personal network, and for that I used Facebook as the initial jumping-off point. This network shows four quadrants and it also includes eight more or less generic sub communities within my overall online network.  This was a rather detailed image, and it even included other platforms, such as LinkedIn, and forums, like Ad Astra and Able2Know, which is where I am already a volunteer community manager. However, for the purposes of Quinnipiac Assignment #3 in Social Media Platforms, I wanted to narrow my focus considerably, in order to make it all a lot clearer to the viewer. This, I decided, was going to just be an exploration of my Facebook Network.

Below is the video that I recorded for this particular assignment. I am also including the PowerPoint presentation I created to accompany this assignment. Clicking on the link will begin the downloading process.

Quinnipiac Assignment #3 - facebook network

Module3-Mapping Out My Network

I highlighted four separate people in my network: Terry Lynn Shull, Geri Wendell, Robert Gentel, and Kathy Sferra.

Without any further ado, here is: Quinnipiac Assignment #3 – Facebook Network:

As always, this assignment really made me stretch and think outside of the proverbial box.

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Just Trying to Make Some Sense of it All

Be aware, there are adult words in here, for very adult events. Turn back if four-letter words bother you more than terrorism.

Stay Strong
Stay Strong

For all who have been living under rocks, things here in Boston have been astounding over the course of the past week. If it were a film script, it would never be made. No one would believe it.

On Monday, April 15th, 2013, the unthinkable happened, when two bombs went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Three people died, and nearly 180 were wounded, many gravely.

Close call in Brighton -  the blue star is more or less where I live
Close call in Brighton – the blue star is more or less where I live

Then, going from Thursday, April 18th at night, into about 24 hours later, Friday, April 19th, at about 8:40 PM, there was a lockdown and a manhunt here. To give you an idea of how close it all was, check out this map – I can scarcely fathom it. And I have friends, former colleagues, who were even closer, people who heard shots and explosions.

This is reality.

But I want to put in what, to me, is a bit of perspective, I hope.

Destruction and Despair

There are plenty of horrible images and I will, mainly, not focus on them.

Shelter in place Friday, April 19th
Shelter in place Friday, April 19th

But this image should tell the tale of Friday. We, like most people, did as requested and stayed in our home.

I took maybe 20 minutes at about lunchtime and sat on my front porch. I saw a guy walking his dog and another getting a smoke. Plus maybe three cars went by.

And that was it.

I firmly believe that staying out of law enforcement’s collective way was vital in not just keeping bystanders from being harmed but also in the swift conclusion to the manhunt. I will not publicize the alleged (yes, alleged; I believe in the right to a fair trial) perp’s name.

Hope and Glory

There are a lot of images and words and I cannot possibly cover them all so I will cherry pick a few.

Neil Diamond and Sweet Caroline

Neil Diamond hopped on a plane yesterday morning at 4:30 AM.

Neil Diamond at Fenway Park
Neil Diamond at Fenway Park

He just showed up, 40 minutes before the Red Sox game was to start, and asked if he could sing “Sweet Caroline“.

Sure thing, Neil.

David Ortiz

David Ortiz got on a microphone and dropped the f-bomb on live TV. The FCC shrugged and said the equivalent of, hey, no sweat.

David Ortiz: This is our fucking city!
David Ortiz: This is our fucking city!

Ortiz, I am sure, did not plan what he would say. He just spoke from his heart.

And I am sure most of us agree with him and aren’t about to hold the f-bomb against him. I know I don’t.

People care. And they have expressed their caring in some amazing and offbeat, quirky ways.

Always & Forever

Always & Forever
Always & Forever

The Always & Forever Tattoo Salon in Watertown has a sidewalk memorial going.

Add to it, if you like.

Fundraising

There are multiple fundraisers going on. The big one is OneFundBoston. This charity was started by Mayor Menino and Governor Patrick and is of course legitimate.

Brighton Bangers Running Club donation
Brighton Bangers Running Club donation

The local running club, the Brighton Bangers, held a fundraiser, too.

Memory and Healing

I refuse to provide the names of the alleged perps, but I will gladly share the names of the lost and the injured.

Krystle Campbell

Krystle Campbell
Krystle Campbell

This young woman was 29. She was a restaurant manager at Jasper White’s Summer Shack and mainly worked in Hingham and Cambridge, putting in 70- and 80-hour weeks.

I celebrated my 50th birthday at the Cambridge location last September, and may very well have seen her.

Sean Collier

This MIT police officer lost his life in the Thursday night shootout.

Sean Collier
Sean Collier

Boston Police stood at attention with respect as his hearse passed, remembering this young man who gave his all.

Procession for Sean Collier
Procession for Sean Collier

Lingzi Lu

This young woman was a graduate statistics student at

Lingzi Lu
Lingzi Lu

Boston University, my alma mater.

The wildly generous trustees of Boston University have already raised over half a million dollars for a scholarship in her name.

Martin Richard

This eight-year-old child was wiser than most of us, eh?

Martin Richard
Martin Richard

His father, mother and sister were also hurt. Please remember them, too.

Jeff Bauman

Jeff Bauman
Jeff Bauman

This young man‘s image was all over the news, as Carlos Arredondo helped get him to safety and care. Some images were cropped. Others showed the full extent of the awful damage to his legs. This site is a legitimate fundraising site to help pay for his care.

If you want to send him a card, send it to:

In care of Jen Joyce
for Jeff Bauman
117 Tynsboro Rd.
Westford, MA 01886

Celeste and Sydney Corcoran

Sydney and Celeste Corcoran at Boston Medical Center
Sydney and Celeste Corcoran at Boston Medical Center

These women are mother and daughter, and they were both hurt (Celeste has more extensive injuries). There is a legitimate fund to help with their care.

Dic Donohue

Officer Dic Donohue
Officer Dic Donohue

This police officer and Navy veteran was wounded in the Thursday night gunfight. This is a legitimate fundraising site for him.

Patrick and Jessica Downes

Patrick and Jessica Downes
Patrick and Jessica Downes

These newlyweds each lost a leg. This is a legitimate fundraising site to help pay for their care.

Marc Fucarile

He is neighbor to a friend who lives in Stoneham.

Marc Fucarile with his son
Marc Fucarile with his son

And this young roofer has already lost one leg, and there is shrapnel in his heart.

There is a legitimate fund to help him, too.

It’s Personal

I have loved Boston ever since I attended BU (I am from the Class of ’83) and am also a runner (but only 5K races – marathons are too long for me).  Many of these directly affected people are second and third degree of separation from me. I cannot begin to describe just how personal it all feels, and I know that my feelings are rather small within the scope of this immense tragedy.

So I leave you with this image –

The Strip
The Strip

and with this song.

Peace. Please.

Sail On

The ship has sails, and it has a rudder.

The winds cannot be predicted or controlled. The tide cannot be harnessed. The waves will do as they will.

But the sails can be trimmed, or even taken down entirely. And the rudder exists for steering.

Control what you can; don’t lament what you can’t.

Ever onward.

First 5K of the year

My husband and 2 friends of ours from Able2know ran a 5K race today. I came in last of our group and I was probably last of everybody who ran, but that doesn’t matter a lot to me.

Last year, I finished my first 5K (I did six that year) in about an hour and 4 minutes. Today I finished in 40 minutes and a few miscellaneous seconds (8?). I intend to run eight of then this year.

So far, so good.