Self-Review – A Touch of Gray Hair

Let’s Look at A Touch of Gray Hair

A Touch of Gray Hair came about because I was entering a contest. And to this day, I think the prompts and sentences they gave were pretty terrible. Just awful, and without any real way to weave much of a story around them, truth be told.

At least, not a story that I have ever wanted to tell.

I wrote this story during the third quarter of 2019.

Background

I can’t honestly recall the name of the place? Zine? Whatever, which called for a submission like this. All I know is that they provided the first and last lines, maybe even the first and last paragraphs. Apart from that, you could do whatever you wanted.

I settled on a weird comedy. A very weird comedy. And, seeing as it was to take place in the Pacific Northwest, it had to have Bigfoot.

Yes, Bigfoot.

Plot for A Touch of Gray Hair

Angela and Dan are driving along a dusty highway where everything is a whole helluva lot of dull sameness. When they hear a chainsaw one day, Angela goes to investigate. And she hurries up when she realizes Dan has become as gray and dull as the rest of the landscape.

When she finds Bigfoot wielding the chainsaw, she faints. And when she comes to, she learns the creature’s name is Stuart. He’s lonely. And he bakes amazing cinnamon muffins. But she knows she’s not the woman for him.

Characters

The characters are Angela; Dan; Bigfoot (Stuart); and Stuart/Bigfoot’s love, Miss Muriel Hirsute. Mentioned but not seen are Big Hank (Angela’s estranged husband) and Little Hank (her and Big Hank’s son).

Memorable Quotes

She was on the downslide of her fifties, and the last time the world hadn’t looked like a soggy, limp dishrag had been when she was fourteen. She smiled wryly for a moment. Color. There had been a carnival in town once. The sights had been bright and dizzying. Now it seemed as if that had happened on another world.

Dan got out of the driver’s side and shut the door of the El Dorado. Even sounds were tamped down and muddied. A slam, instead, was a dull thud. Slaps were clunks. Gunshots were muffled reports. He pointed in the direction of the chainsaw sounds and looked at her quizzically.

She nodded and remarked about the chainsaw. Why did it sound so crisp? Nothing else had in decades. It made no sense. And things that made no sense were enough to make anyone nervous in these, the Dull Ages, her unofficial name for the past four plus decades of gray, clunking sameness.

Rating

The story has a K rating. Nothing untoward happens, although the story is still pretty damned weird. So, proceed at your own risk, I guess.

Takeaways from A Touch of Gray Hair

I was going, more or less, for madcap. But instead, the story is kinda blah, I will be the first to admit. There are a ton of holes in it, and odd stylistic choices. So, it’s no wonder that A Touch of Gray Hair didn’t win the contest.

In a lot of ways, it’s as gray as the vibe that I (or maybe the contest runners; I can’t recall any more) was going for. Ah well, they can’t all be gems.

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