Self-Review – Saddle Up, Bank Teller!

Let’s Look at Saddle Up, Bank Teller!

For Saddle Up, Bank Teller, the prompt was just one word: renegade.

And what better kind of renegade than someone who is essentially in a western?

But all is not as it seems.

I wrote this story during the third quarter of 2021. But I didn’t finish it under the fourth quarter of 2024.

Background

While a renegade is better defined as a person who betrays an organization or a country, I wanted this to be a story of someone who, yes, betrays an organization. But his reasons are spot on. So, he’s actually a good guy. Well…kinda.

This story essentially takes place after short stories like Aenor the Wanted and Viva André, but long before The Ides of the Secretarial Pool. Could all of these stories take place in the same universe, and the same timeline?

Maybe…?

In fact, this story could, conceivably, dovetail with Mina’s Mission. The two short stories are very close, when it comes to the years when they are set.

Plot for Saddle Up, Bank Teller!

When Dodge City bank teller Bruce Bergman is told to mischaracterize certain bank expenses, he knows there’s something unethical going on. But uncovering a conspiracy to commit fraud is just the beginning, as Bruce takes the money and flees to the New Mexico territory.

With the help of a sympathetic priest and an uncorrupted sheriff, can Bruce catch the bad guys without going to prison himself, or being caught on the wrong end of a pistol?

Characters

The characters are Bruce Bergman, Father Emil Alvarez, Carl Dempsey, John Corcoran, Fred Williams, and the sheriff, a man who Father Alvarez knows personally. But he just calls the man Raymond.

Oh, and just in case anyone’s wondering, yes, there were plenty of Jewish folks in the old west.

Memorable Quotes

Bruce made it to the mission after a few more days, just as the sun was setting. He got his horse to a stable and paid in advance and took the saddlebags.

Bruce walked back to the mission and the door opened for him. It was a priest, who had undoubtedly seen him arrive. “Come in, my child.”

“Thanks. I, I’m not a Catholic.”

“None of us are perfect.” The priest smiled. “What is your name?” He waved Bruce in and shut the door.

“Kenneth—Kenneth Delaney.” Delaney had been Bruce’s housemate at Harvard.

“I see. I am Father Alvarez. Why don’t you sit down?” He gestured at the closest pew.

“Well, I don’t want to disrupt things if you’re about to have services.”

“Not until tomorrow. How long have you been traveling, Mr. Delaney, is it?”

“Yes, Delaney. A few days. I know I must look a fright. I need a bath and a shave. My apologies for my appearance.”

Rating for Saddle Up, Bank Teller!

The story has a K rating. Despite the fact that everyone carries a gun—and is not afraid to use it—no one ever fires a shot.

Takeaways

While I am happy with how I ended this one, I still never really answered the question as to why Bruce took the money in the first place! Someone with his experience and education would undoubtedly know it wasn’t going to be a good look.

And even if he was relatively sheltered (the guy’s got a Harvard education, after all), he had to have realized there would be a lot of people, including officers of the law, who would shoot first, and ask questions later.

Having the goods on him wasn’t going to prevent someone from immediately assuming his guilt. To the contrary. Plus, of course, someone could have robbed him.

And so, even at the end, I don’t exonerate him. In fact, even the reader doesn’t really find out what happens to him. So, I think I’m okay with never answering what should really be the reader’s biggest and most nagging question.

So, is Bruce a good guy, or not? What do you think, gentle reader? And do you think it really matters in the end?

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Want More of my Short Stories and Novellas?

So, if this story resonates with you, then please check out some of my other blog posts about my shorter works.

Short Stories

Finally, for a complete list of my shorter works, please be sure to check out the Hub Page—Short Stories.