So, Lizzie Borden is Vital to the Timeline is a short story I wrote to try to get into an anthology.
Review – Lizzie Borden is Vital to the Timeline
Yes, it’s really about that Lizzie Borden, from Fall River, Massachusetts.
I wrote this story during third quarter 2024.
Background
The Lizzie Borden House and Riverdale Avenue Books teamed up to create an anthology all about Lizzie. One of the suggested genres was time travel. So, I took that and ran with it.
Plot
When temporal criminal Franklin Milhouse goes back to the 1890s to try to save the Bordens from their daughter’s axe, it’s not to help them out. Rather, it’s to get Lizzie’s father to slay Joseph Kennedy, the father of JFK. And by doing so, propelling Milhouse’s ancestor, Richard Nixon, to the White House in 1960 rather than 1968.
But this is going to mess up so much of the timeline that time traveler Julia Rosen has to go back and undo it all. For bad news for the elder Bordens is good news for the timeline.
Characters
The future characters are time traveler Julia Rosen, her boss Sylvia Kowalsky, and Chief Engineer Kevin. Plus temporal criminal Franklin Milhouse. Future robotic AI characters are Grant and Betsy.
The characters from the past are Lizzie Borden, Andrew Borden, Emma Borden, and Abby Borden. These were all very real people.
Memorable Quotes {Julia’s Cover Story is She’s a Maid Named Julia Doherty}
A younger woman, her hair coming undone, looked in on the kitchen. “Are you the new maid?”
“Yes,” I said, elbows deep in suds.
“Of course she is. You’re such an ignorant girl, Lizzie,” said Mrs. Borden. “And you! Those dishes had better sparkle when you’re through with them. Don’t be taking all day, either. Oh, and, Doherty, a broken plate means you’re fired.”
“I understand.” Yeah, it’s official. I hate her.
“Could you also clean the front steps, please?” Lizzie asked me. “The pigeons made a bit of a mess.”
“You’ll do that on your own time,” said Mrs. Borden.
“Which one of us will?” I asked.
“Doesn’t matter to me. But while you’re paid by me, you’re working for me.”
I turned to Lizzie. “Sorry, but you’re on your own.”
“Ah, well, it was just a thought.”
“See, that’s your problem,” scolded Mrs. Borden. “Always trying to think when you haven’t got half a brain in your head. Such a stupid girl, don’t you think, Doherty?”
Well, this is awkward. “I, er, well, you don’t pay me to provide my opinions, ma’am.”
Mrs. Borden raised a hand as if to strike me, but then laughed. “See, Lizzie? You pay attention and you’ll get things right from time to time. Oh, and Doherty, you missed a spot.”
“I’ll go over that part again carefully. Thank you for your instruction.” And kiss my future ass.
Rating for Lizzie Borden is Vital to the Timeline
The story has a K rating. Even though Borden probably really was a murderer, there’s nothing really about it on screen.
Takeaways for Lizzie Borden is Vital to the Timeline
I think it’s okay. I was under a time crunch, and that probably shows. Also, while rereading, I discovered an inconsistency. Oh, well.
Short Stories and Novellas
Want More of my Short Stories and Novellas?
If this story resonates with you, then check out my other articles about my shorter works.
Short Stories
Finally, for a complete list of my shorter works, please be sure to check out the Hub Page—Short Stories.
I wrote 1960s Temporal Crimes by the seat of my pants. But I don’t think it shows its seams too badly.
Review – 1960s Temporal Crimes
Welcome back to my universes, time traveling bounty hunter (at times) Sharon Ensley.
I wrote this story during first quarter 2023. It’s kind of long. So, I’m not so sure it qualifies as a short story. Maybe it’s a novella? I don’t know. I just work here. 😉
Background
It was maybe half a year after I had been working closely with a critique group. It went all right, but they were on the west coast. When time switched to daylight savings, I could not make the meetings any longer.
One of the stories was about a Jewish gangster. This may very well have been on my mind when I dreamt up small time Jersey thug Ray Hall.
Plot
On her first solo trip in time, Sharon Ensley’s tech cracks. Unable to get home, she enlists the help of small time mobster Ray Hall. Sharon has to capture criminal Marcus Vandermore and bring him back to their time. And the only way she’ll be able to do that is to take Marcus’s tech.
But the trip to 1961 New Jersey isn’t all it seems, because Ray isn’t what he seems. For Sharon to do the right thing, but also do her job, it’ll take some fancy footwork. Is the rookie time traveler up to it?
Characters
The characters are Sharon Ensley, Ray Hall, Peggy O’Shaughnessy and her father Declan, Marcus Vandermore (in the past, he calls himself Victor), mob boss Les Hargreaves, and mob lieutenant Ralph Appleton.
I really enjoyed giving the hoods such all-American/nonethnic names.
Ray also refers to nurse’s aides named Rosalie (with her son, Jean-Paul) Baptiste, Juanita Rodriguez, May St. John, Micheline St. John, and Deborah Toussaint.
“Oh, no, you don’t. Don’t be changing the subject on me. How can I help you? Tell me, flat out, the whole truth.”
Peggy arrived with the fries. “The complete, flat out, whole truth is these were reheated.” She winked at Sharon. “But you never heard me say that.”
“Of course not.” Sharon took a still-hot fry and tasted it. Good Lord, real potatoes are amazing. I don’t even care that they were reheated. These people have no idea what they’ve got.
Once Peggy was gone again, Ray leaned over, closer to Sharon. In a low voice, he asked again, “What’s the whole truth? You know, so help you God and everything.”
Sharon sighed. If this wasn’t my first time soloing, I’d probably have a good answer for that. So, I guess my only choice is to tell the truth. “The guy I’m looking for, Vandermore, can be dangerous. I figure you can put your hand on weapons if you ever have to.”
“And?”
“And part of my taking him back is taking possession of his tech.”
“Er, why? Don’t you have some sort of a machine or whatever of your own? Otherwise, how could you have gotten here in the first place?”
“I do. But it’s not working quite right.”
“Ah, and there it is.” He stole one of her fries. “You’re afraid you’re stuck here.”
“Well, yeah. And you’ve got fries of your own.”
“I prefer a little petty larceny. But in all seriousness, there are other people you could have turned to. So, I repeat, why me?”
“When I scanned you, I found traces of Vandermore’s DNA. Ray, you met him.”
Rating for 1960s Temporal Crimes
The story has a K+ rating. There is no real violence, although there are hints of it. Also, there is some swearing, but not too much.
Takeaways for 1960s Temporal Crimes
Like a lot of my stories, I am not too thrilled with how it ends. So, I will most likely start to think of an alternative one of these days.
It was fun bringing Sharon back. This story works particularly well as a prequel to A Chance Encounter in Time. But since both stories involve her being stuck due to her tech failing, I should probably rethink the pretext as well.
Want More of my Short Stories and Novellas?
If the story of Sharon Ensley collaborating with a small-time hood resonates with you, then check out my other articles about my shorter works.
Short Stories
For a complete list of my shorter works, please be sure to check out the Hub Page—Short Stories.
Out of the Work Camp Frying Pan could have been just another escape story. But I think it’s a bit more.
Review – Out of the Work Camp Frying Pan
I wrote this story during second quarter 2021. This was a year when I was writing every day, and I started the year off with various short stories. These were mainly from one-word prompts I wrote myself. For this particular story, the prompt word was X-axis.
Background
The vast, vast majority of the short stories from 2021 had no outline. There was no background, and no plan. I was flying by the seat of my pants.
But then again, so were the characters.
Plot
When four humans escape from a Ziranqui forced work camp, they do so in a stolen alien craft. They don’t understand the written language, and the instruments are unfamiliar.
And, they don’t even know how to point the craft toward Earth. But at least they’re free.
And then, they come across a planet…
Characters
The human characters are Chris Delaney, Lana Marshall, Zach Peyton, and Gail Aronovich. Tronian characters include White Wing, Golden Beak, Gray Down, Bright Plumes, and Gentle Whisper. If you haven’t guessed it by now, the Tronians are birdlike.
The story is from Lana’s point of view.
Memorable Quotes from Out of the Work Camp Frying Pan
Outer space is three dimensional. If you really want to get technical, all space is. But driving along on a country road on Earth, even if the road goes up and down in altitude, all you really need to know are two dimensions. Horizontal, the x-axis. And vertical, the y-axis. All the myriad variations on that particular theme are our directions. West, east, north, and south.
But space has more up and down, no matter what your garden variety science fiction show might lead you to believe. The familiar compass rosette goes in all directions, almost like a dandelion that’s gone to seed.
And so, our breakout from the forced labor camp is an extraordinary thing. I won’t deny that. But Delaney really has no idea where we’re going. I would tell him to pull over and ask directions, but I doubt speaking the right language for asking is possible. Or anyone knowing directions, anyway.
Or even effectively and semi-safely pulling over, for that matter. I’m sure he really doesn’t know how to fly this thing. We could be flying the alien version of going backward, and we would never know.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t blame Delaney, and I don’t mean to sound so critical. He got us out of the camp, and that was truly amazing all by itself. We all owe him a debt of gratitude. We all owe him our lives. But never has the expression ‘going from the frying pan to the fire’ ever been more apropos.
Rating
The story has a K+ rating. The characters have just gotten out of a horrible place. But they don’t really talk about it all that much.
Takeaways for Out of the Work Camp Frying Pan
One rather subtle bit is a callback to another short story I wrote in 2024, Alix’s Apocalypse.
When Gail mentions the Earth being hit with a ‘poisoned radiation beam’, it’s the exact same weapon which hits the planet in Alix’s Apocalypse. I like to think of them as being in the same universe and timeline.
Maybe Chris, Lana, and the others can come back and save Alix in some possible future sequel? I currently have no intention of writing a sequel. But never say never!
And as for the bad guys, the Ziranqui? I’ve used them in a few different stories, and I do believe they will show up in the third Obolonk trilogy as well.
Want More of my Short Stories and Novellas?
If this story resonates with you, then check out my other articles about my shorter works.
Want more stories featuring the Ziranqui? Then be sure to check out:
I like Frozen Assets, as it’s a latter-day crime adventure, with a twist or two. In some parts, it’s almost like a caper story. Plus, I bet there are people who have really thought of doing this.
Certainly, after the killing of CEO Brian Thompson of United Healthcare, it’s obvious that a lot of people take exception to America’s current healthcare system and insurance coverage in general.
Review – Frozen Assets
I wrote this story during third quarter 2021. This was a year when I was writing every single day.
Background
Medical bills are outrageous in the United States. And what’s more expensive than organ transplants? But what if, somehow, that could change?
And would you help change it if it turned out the means were less than legal?
Note: I wrote this story long before Brian Thompson’s murder.
Plot of Frozen Assets
Grace and Theo stare down bankruptcy when Grace’s mother dies, leaving them with nearly a million dollars in unpaid medical bills. Complicating matters is the fact that Grace’s mother sometimes used her daughter’s insurance card, and Grace and Theo cosigned on the bills.
This means the debt survives even though Dottie did not. And it’s bills for procedures and transport like a transplant and a Medevac (medical evacuation via helicopter). That is some really big bucks, right there.
As they consider their next financial moves, Theo and Grace realize the solution to their financial issues is staring them right in the face: harvesting organs and selling them on the black market.
And that’s when the fun begins.
Characters
The characters are Grace (the story is from her point of view) and Theo Barton, retired doctor Max Schulman, Max’s daughter Laurie Drew, Robbie Drew, Gina Chun, and Max’s friends, Ben, Louie, Ken, and Harry.
Oh, and a winning Standardbred sulky horse named Alaskan Holiday.
Memorable Quotes
Laurie folded her arms. “He needs to nap.”
“Can we wait?” asked Theo.
“No. He’s got to nap now.”
Max’s shuffle had become unmistakable in the months they’d been getting together—and Grace could hear it.
So, why are you protesting all of a sudden?
And then Grace knew.
The holidays are coming up. And I bet you’re lonely.
“Laurie, would you like to come with us?” Grace blurted out as Max arrived.
Theo glanced over at his wife. Grace tugged on her right earlobe. It was an old signal they’d agreed upon decades ago. It meant tell you later. Theo nodded once.
“I’m sure Laurie would find our meetings dull,” said Max.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Laurie said. “Why don’t you let me judge for myself?”
“Er, okay,” said Theo. “Do you want to ride in our car, or should we take two?”
“Two, I would say.” Laurie looked at her father. “You need a sweater.”
“Bet you do, too,” Max said.
When they were in their car and had started driving, Theo turned to Grace and asked, “Why’d you invite her along?”
Grace put on her turn signal. “She won’t be happy until she can check us out. All we have to do is make the whole thing incredibly boring to her—but harmless.”
“So, we’ll be talking about the weather?” He snapped his fingers. “And we can discuss the finer points of the Designated Hitter rule.”
“Don’t make it so boring that even Max will be done with us.”
“I’m a retired accountant. I’m professionally boring.”
Rating
The story has a K+ rating. While nothing violent happens onscreen, there are a number of illegalities. And… you don’t want to know what’s in the ice cream truck.
Takeaways for Frozen Assets
The price of organ transplants and the existence of a black market are both very real issues these days. And while I don’t recommend a life of crime, something’s got to give.
Here’s where art imitates life. For I wrote A School for Scavengers while I was working part-time for an educational technology (edtech) company called Lexia.
I wrote this story during third quarter 2024. This is a quarter when I was writing every day.
Background
I had created the Ziranqui before and felt there could be more occasions to use them. This story turned out to be perfect for them. And I will most likely use the Ziranqui again!
After a devastating alien germ warfare attack that takes out nearly all of the adults, untrained Ava takes up the daunting task of teaching the surviving children around her how to read.
Characters
The characters are Ava Hillman, Randy, Troy, Tina, Frankie, Christy, Debby, and Sally. Eventually, I add a character named Jake. Ava is the main character, and I tell the story from her perspective.
I named Ava after my first grade teacher, Mrs. Hillman. Apparently, her first name was Marjorie. She also drew a picture of a bump and a stick figure to illustrate her name for the kids who couldn’t yet read.
But back to Ava. She’s only alive because she was in a special program. But other adults were not so lucky.
Memorable Quotes
“Yeah, I guess it was. But let me get back to what was going on just before the Ziranqui arrived. See, we had ways of communicating over vast distances. Before anyone asks how we how that works, my answer is: I haven’t the foggiest.”
“Why don’t we have these things now?” asked Christy.
“Blame the war,” said Ava. “All the stuff needed to keep that stuff going? It just fell apart.”
“Will it ever go back to the way it was?” asked Sally.
“I don’t know. I hope we can at least get some of it back.” God knows I would love for there to be electricity again before I die.
“You were talking about these communications things,” said Troy.
“Yes. Well, even from outer space, the Ziranqui could hear a lot of the signals we were broadcasting. So, they started to manipulate it. And, in turn, they started to manipulate us. They did so by spreading what’s called misinformation. They cause one country to think another one was going to attack them. They did that a lot. So, a lot of countries went to war.”
“Why did they do that?” asked Sally.
“They did it because, fundamentally, the Ziranqui are lazy. They didn’t want to have to trouble themselves with conquering us if they could have us take care of the first third to half of our destruction all by ourselves.”
Rating
The story has a K rating. While it is post-Apocalyptic, the characters are all decent people. Ava swears maybe one time.
Takeaways for A School for Scavengers
This one has two possible endings. It’s really whether you want to end with something downbeat, or with something more positive. Frankly, while I’m a sucker for a happy ending, I think the downbeat ending is better.
The happier ending is a bit more tacked-on, I feel.
One of the more notable things about A Chance Encounter in Time is that it represents the first appearance of character Sharon Ensley. I grew to really like Sharon, and would love to create a series for her.
And, so far, I’ve got this one, 1960s Temporal Crimes, and …And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Again. Not bad for what was originally a throwaway character.
I wrote this short story during second quarter 2021. This was a year when I was writing every single day until November, when I switched over to NaNoWriMo.
Background
While I was not exactly looking for another way to use the Obolonk universe, it almost chose me. So, in a way, this story is a way to find other uses for that universe. After all, that universe is far too well-developed to just forget about it.
I also was not necessarily looking to write a story about the West Islip Public Library, but here we are anyway. With my mother’s death in 2023, any writing about WIPL is kind of special. It was her last employer.
Plot
Time traveler Sharon Ensley seems to be stuck in August of 2001 when her temporal disc cracks. But when she meets Tim Parker and he offers to try to solder her disc back together, the two start to work together.
But then Sharon uncovers a major change to the timeline which is clear proof that someone has tampered with the events of 9/11.
Characters
The major human characters are Sharon Ensley and Tim Parker. There are some more minor human characters who are Sharon’s colleagues. But the only one with any real screen time is Marlon. I may end up changing him anyway, to dovetail better with …Walls. We’ll see.
Obolonk characters are They Say This One is Very Efficient (her assistant) and They Say This One Holds Time Close. The latter runs the time travel organization. Again, this will likely be changed as I prefer Victoria Chilton from …Walls.
Sharon mentions a temporal sensitive like Josie James, but never identifies that person.
Memorable Quotes {Sharon Explains Hawhoa to Tim}
“The disc creates the field after I give it a command. And then away we go. But no matter what, I should tell you about Hawhoa.”
“Ha-what?”
Sharon smiled for a second. “We don’t use pure water anymore, not really. We use Hawhoa.”
“Use?”
“Yeah—to drink, bathe, flush, water the plants, you name it.”
“But don’t we need water to survive?”
“We sure do. But see, there’s a ton of space in atoms. And…”
“Excuse me? Aren’t atoms really tiny?”
“Yep. But there’s empty space in them. Hawhoa takes the two hydrogen atoms and the one oxygen atom in regular water, and it crushes everything together slightly.”
“How slightly are we talking about?”
“Smaller than bacterial flagella. To use the technical term, teeny weeny.”
“Technical, heh. Why is that done in the first place?”
“The very slight increase in density makes it possible to use fewer water molecules to accomplish whatever you want to do, like wash your socks.”
“Wait, so this is a form of recycling?”
“More like cutting waste, but yeah. It makes it possible for more people to live in one space or another.”
“So, the future is crowded?”
“Yep. And Hawhoa is a bit more viscous than regular water. Don’t want you to try to take a shower and think it’s just clear jelly coming out of the showerhead.”
Rating
The story has a K rating.
Takeaways
I really love some of the inventions that I came up with to move this story along, including multiphasic glyphs, Hawhoa (pronounced hey-whoa), and the Sapient Timeline Theory.
Oh, and Carter Bando’s Rules of Time Travel. There are also a transportation disc (I also call it a temporal disk), a utility disk, and an information disc.
The transportation disc is fitted with a semi-living organism that helps to direct time travel. In a way, it ends up giving more depth to the time travel technology which I showcase in Time Addicts.
Since Sharon is from a lot later than Josie (I may change that), it makes sense that the tech would change.
I like Sharon a lot and this is a great story to use as a springboard to maybe an entire series about her. We’ll see.
But the Obolonk universe is a mighty big tent. It would be a shame to waste it.
Want More of my Short Stories and Novellas?
If the story of Sharon Ensley collaborating with a 2001 native resonates with you, then check out my other articles about my shorter works.
In the quest to write the ultimate ‘fish out of water’ story, I wrote A Fairy Tale for Skeptical Adults.
I wrote this story during second quarter 2024. This was a quarter when I was writing every single day.
Background
I love the idea of someone just kind of being tossed into an odd situation not of their own making. Because that is precisely what happens to both Flora and Thomas.
Plot of A Fairy Tale for Skeptical Adults
When Flora Levy receives her inheritance, it’s just a stack of books. But one of them is Fairy Tales for the Skeptical Adult.
And when she starts to read the book out loud, a sudden crash alerts her to the fact that this has somehow summoned a character from the book.
Can a modern woman and a character from a book fix problems in two very separate worlds?
Characters
The human characters include Flora Levy, Florence Levy (her great-grandmother), Prince Thomas, King Richard, Queen Catherine, and Constance Selene. Animal characters include Auburn, Robert, Brownie, Quicksilver, and Swift.
Much like a lot of other fantasy tales, the animals talk. And to make them a bit like I suppose the Disney version of Cinderella, the animals even help out. Therefore, you see Auburn (a red fox) arranging Flora’s hair for a banquet. Robert the mouse is a scribe and does calligraphy.
In fact, the animals are considerably more trustworthy than a lot of the humans turn out to be. #spoileralert
Memorable Quotes
Flora cautiously crept toward the source of the crash. It was the next room—the Victorian house had a lot of small rooms—a place where she grew plants, both flowers and some vegetables.
She turned the corner in the small hallway and came face to face with the source of the crash. It was a man of perhaps forty, wearing breeches, stockings, brogans, and a brocaded cloak over a cambric shirt.
The two of them stared at each other for a few moments, open-mouthed. The intruder was… different.
You make no sense. Finally, she found her voice and, absurdly, brandished the thermos. “Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?”
“I, I,” he began, in an upper class British accent, “I’m the man of your dreams.”
Say what? “Buddy, you have no idea what is in my dreams.”
“I, I still am. It is I, your, your dream.”
“I’m not interested in some reject from a Renfest. And how the hell did you get into my house in the first place?”
Rating
The story has a K rating.
Takeaways for A Fairy Tale for Skeptical Adults
I am not so thrilled with how I ended this one. It just kind of runs out of gas. But apart from that, I believe it works pretty well. Flora starts out a little like Sandra Bullock at the start of The Net. That is, she’s essentially alone.
I do like that this is one of the things that changes about her. But it’s not necessarily what a reader would expect.
A Show for the Galaxy takes place now or in the somewhat near future. When aliens challenge us, we expect a fight with soldiers, bombs, and guns.
But that’s not what the aliens have in mind at all.
I wrote this story during second quarter 2021. This was a year when I was writing every day, even when it wasn’t November.
Background
The Earth has two choices. Either participate in an interstellar arts competition, or lose an opportunity to join a huge intergalactic alliance. While it would not necessarily mean the end of the world, self-destruction would be inevitable without interstellar friendship.
Essentially, the fate of the world is going to be decided just like American Idol.
Plot
When the story opens, Charlotte (the narrator) describes the stakes and the production. A number of actors and behind the scenes people are chosen to represent the Earth in stagecraft.
There are other arts to represent the Earth, like sculpture and weaving. But the story is only concerned with treading the boards.
When the troupe is cut off from the grid, the cast falls into despair. They have no scripts! But then Charlotte pulls out her secret weapon—a small volume of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, which she always carries around for luck.
Charlotte has gravitas. She was already a retiree when the alien challengers chose her. And so, she ends up in a director-type role. But it’s also because she has the script.
Characters
The characters start with narrator Charlotte, who is playing Portia. The man playing Brutus is Chase Marquis, who was born Chuck McKay. Charlotte finds him attractive, but she keeps her hands to herself. After all, he’s young enough to be her son.
And, of course, there are the other people in the production and those who work behind the scenes. Plus, there are people who represent other arts on our planet. But Charlotte never names them.
There’s also President Menosky, although we only see him at the very end.
Memorable Quotes
All the others are far younger than I am. And—horrors!—we were cut off from the grid.
With no way to access scripts, my fellow thespians started to panic. That is, until I pulled out my secret weapon.
See, it was a gift from when I first started out. My acting teacher gave it to me. Now I realize she was probably hitting on me. But no mind. I kept it because I’ve always loved this play. And now, it’s the only game in town.
I’ve got a paper book. It’s Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. And thank God we can create an entire production around this little, humble book.
I was in several productions, and I’ve always played Portia, so of course I am playing her again. My Brutus is an afternoon snack of a man—Chase Marquis. Or, as he was born, Chuck McKay.
I’ve taken on a kind of director role; and thank God they all listen to me. We’ll put on the best and greatest production of Julius Caesar in the history of whatever.
Or we’ll die trying.
Rating for A Show for the Galaxy
The story has a K rating.
Takeaways for A Show for the Galaxy
I originally start to write Charlotte as almost a cougar. But then I decided she would drop anything frivolous and just concentrate on helping the troupe save the planet.
This story isn’t even 1500 words long, yet I feel it accomplishes its objective handily. I really should query this one!
I like Mandy Goes to Aspen because the character is so matter of fact about everything. Even the fact that she’s been hurt pretty badly. But then again, it’s nothing compared to what happened to other people.
This story was written during first quarter 2021. The initial prompt was a single word: avalanche.
It is the first of the short stories I wrote that year. My intention was to write every single day, and I followed through pretty well.
Background
These prompts were more or less random, and I had no plot or plan for this story. But I think it turned out pretty well. Still, the truth is, it did not start to truly come together until I changed Avalanche to A. Valanche.
And one of my favorite parts of this little story is the opening line:
Well, that sucked.
Plot
Somewhat ditzy and average-level talented Mandy Johnson goes to Aspen in order to schmooze with agents, acting coaches, directors, and other actors.
But things take a turn when Mandy is trapped in snow after an avalanche during skiing buries her.
With sardonic humor and a lot of very necessary ingenuity, this aspiring ingenue survives the big one.
Characters
The characters are Mandy (er, Amanda Catherine Johnson, to get technical) and Carol. I never give Carol a last name. There’s also Mandy’s agent, Arlene. But Mandy only mentions Arlene and we never see or hear her ‘on screen’, as it were.
There are also people in the lodge but again, Mandy only refers to them but the reader never sees them. Most of the story is more like a soliloquy.
Memorable Quotes
You know, those huge, slobbery dogs that I am totally afraid of? Those great big lumbering beasts. I hope they have tequila. Or is it brandy? Scotch? Can you tell them your preference?
I’d like a not too slobbery Saint Bernard. And put margaritas in that little keg thing they wear around their necks.
If I absolutely must sacrifice, then I suppose I will live without salt. So uncivilized.
Who am I kidding? I would kiss the first rescue dog I saw.
But not French; it’s not in my contract.
Rating for Mandy Goes to Aspen
The story has a K+ rating. After all, falling down the side of a mountain would make anyone swear.
Takeaways for Mandy Goes to Aspen
I like Mandy. She’s not only a survivor. She’s also self-aware enough to realize that she’s not going to win any prizes. Mandy would be lucky to get a part as Go-Go Dancer #3 in some screamfest. Most importantly, she can figure out how to solve a lot of her own problems.
I have no plans for a sequel or anything else. But I should probably clean this story up and submit it somewhere.
It seems as if the only thing you ever hear about these days is artificial intelligence. And a lot of people and companies are riding the great AI Hype Train.
But is it overblown? What is it really about, anyway?
Buying Your Ticket to the AI Hype Train
Evidently, the term artificial intelligence predates even my birth. But why is it now so, so very hot?
In part, we can all point fingers at ChatGPT. In 2022, they developed newish technology and it took off, fast! Kind of like an express train, if you will.
By early 2023, kids were already using it to write papers.
As a result, parents and educators started to get nervous. Really, really nervous. But can you blame them?
How Did the AI Hype Train Pull Into the Station?
But let’s back up a bit. AI didn’t just spring out fully formed, like Athena vis a vis Zeus. In some ways, it can pay to have had an eclectic career. Because I can honestly explain a couple of its origination points.
Databases
I’m sure most adults have heard of databases. But how many know, exactly, what one is? Well, in a way, it’s a kind of interactive list. It’s a means of organizing (basing) information (data).
Okay, so that was clear as mud.
To best explain databases, I like to turn to a personal favorite explanation.
The Database is Coming From Inside Your House
Wait, what?
We all have a database. You, me, your weird neighbor who lives down the street, and the King of England all have at least one database. And I am more than willing to bet that it’s the same type of database.
I repeat: what?
It’s definitely on your phone, and it may also still be on paper.
I am talking about your address list.
Why is an Address List a Database?
Your address list contains a ton of nuggets of information. Here, I’ll explain.
Say, you have an Uncle Dave Smith, who lives in Idaho, but used to live in Pennsylvania. And he’s married to your Aunt Susie Smith, but she was married before, to a man named William Jones. During her first marriage, Susie was known as Susie Jones.
Susie and William had a child together, Lou Jones. But Susie and Dave had a child together, Carol. Lou is away at college, in Colorado. Carol is engaged to be married to Fred Roe.
Are you with me so far?
If you wanted to list everyone who currently lives in Idaho, you’d get Dave, Susie, Carol, and maybe Lou (after all, college is generally not your permanent mailing address) and possibly also Fred.
Who fits in a set of people who have ever been named Jones? That would be William and Lou. But it’s also Susie.
Now Multiply That Times a Hundred
Let’s say you’re Carol and Fred’s wedding planner. You need to send out the invitations. And let’s say you’re sending so many invitations that it pays to batch mail everything. Using the database, you come up with four people in Idaho.
With a large family and an invitation list as long as your arm, you end up with a lot of data to comb through. A database automatically helps you pull out whatever you want (assuming the data is in there).
The Wonderful World of Granularity
Databases have fields. A field is a specific bit of information. Above, we have first names and we have state addresses. But we also have some relationship info. And while we don’t have ages or dates of birth, we can infer that Susie, Dave, and William are all older than Lou and Carol (but not necessarily Fred). We can also infer that William is older than Carol.
Now add the usual trappings of an address book, such as full name, address, phone number with area code, and ZIP code. With this information, you have even more inferences you can draw.
For example, if two people don’t share a full address, but they share a ZIP code, you know that means they live close to each other. If the wedding is somewhere they could drive to, but it’s a far drive, you could add a note suggesting to those people that they travel together.
What Does This Have to do With the AI Hype Train?
The generative and predictive AI you’ve been hearing about is really just a fancy way of saying it’s a database.
Say what?
There’s a ton of information, and all your computer does is look it up. Just like you look up Aunt Susie’s address in a book or on your phone.
Except a computer does this millions of times faster.
Now it’s time to look at the other piece.
Language Models
A language model is a list of words. But unlike a database, it contains a bit more info. It’s essentially in terms of probabilities. This isn’t really like the chance of someone saying the word infant vs the word baby.
Rather, it’s the chance of someone saying the word the or the word pickle. Because while we don’t see those words as even close to being interchangeable, a computer doesn’t. That is, unless it is taught. But otherwise, it’s just items on a list to a computer.
But where and how does such a huge model come together?
The Derailing of the AI Hype Train
To build a large language model, you need content. Lots and lots of more or less properly written content. This content should cover a large swath of human thought and activity. It has to be very broad in scope.
So, the developers turned to a place where they knew there was a ton of content, more or less properly written, covering great, big chunks of the human experience.
The internet.
Except there’s just one problem.
The Fly in the Ointment
They didn’t get most people’s permission to use the content. Also, they never checked it for accuracy or tone. A computer can’t figure those things out (yet). But you and I can. For example, we can tell when someone’s joking about something.
The AI takes it seriously.
And what about all the personal data online? The GDPR law specifically says that individuals must give clear consent to the processing of their personal data. Did AI and its creators take the time to figure out which of the trillions of web pages have personal data?
The answer to that would clearly be: no.
Finally, there’s also the matter of copyright. There’s a ton of original material online. It may be snippets of professionally written fiction, like in a blurb. Or it could be places for posting fiction, like Wattpad.
Did the creators of the language model used in AI stop to ask the authors whether they could have permission to train the model on their prose or poetry?
What do you think?
The Caboose at the End of the AI Hype Train
So, it’s mainly just a fancier, easier to use version of the databases that have been around for decades. And its training process for the language model is more than a little suspect. It can’t read your mind. It’s not Skynet. Yet.
There are plenty of companies which are trying to replace content writers with generative AI. But this technology, in that area, really isn’t ready for primetime. Predictive AI, on the other hand, more or less is.
Predictive is the kind of AI being used to cull through thousands of records to compare the data from one medical test results to determine the likelihood of the patient getting cancer. This is the kind of speed which humans just can’t do.
So when you read another breathless article or blog post about artificial intelligence, check to see if the author is riding the AI hype train.
Because Casey Jones, you’d better watch your speed.
You must be logged in to post a comment.