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I review my own work all the time. But why? Isn’t editing enough? Welll, not quite.

Why Review, Ever?

Beyond standard editing, I think it is important to kind of see the forest amidst that big ole bunch o’ trees.

Editing, I feel, is more for the weeds and the trees. It is, in essence, the nitty gritty guts of a piece.

It’s selecting the word luggage instead of the word baggage, for example. I had to do this for The Real Heart of the Universe.

But reviewing, I feel, is a whole other ball of wax.

Here, I feel, there is a space to get a faraway, bird’s eye view of the piece.

Did the characters work? Did the plot move along well? And did the conclusion satisfy?

I feel that reviewing is also where I start to see the similarities in my works, even when a shared universe is not my intention.

A review is a good place to spot and to highlight Easter eggs in my work, as well.

When is the Best Time for Reviewing?

I would say the piece has to be more or less complete. But it does not have to have a bow on it or be published, etc. And I do not necessarily think that it even has to have gone to beta readers.

Do not hesitate! If you want to check your work in this particular fashion, then you have my blessing, for what it’s worth.

You do you.

What Does Reviewing Accomplish?

Probably the best part of this kind of an exercise is that it can be a great place to spot plot holes. And plot holes are essentially opportunities.

Consider your standard fan fiction writer, if you will.

The show or film or book has a fade to black for a love scene. But the fan ficcer wants to make it clearer as to exactly what happened. That fade to black is an ideal opportunity.

Now, of course it does not have to be about a love or a sex scene. But look for the gaps. You might just find a sequel or a prequel in them—and you would never know that unless you reviewed your work!

Self-Review – Canaries

Review – Canaries

I can scarcely recall how I got the idea for Canaries. It is entirely possible I had recently heard the Police song, Canary in a Coal Mine. But I will be the first to admit it: I am not sure.

Background

The great battle for the Earth is over. And – spoiler alert, sorry, not sorry – we lost. So, what do we do now?

The Plot of Canaries

The first paragraph contains one of my favorite phrases to write. And yes, I have used it before. But it still works.

“… when they came.”

It is obvious there has been some sort of a disaster. And we humans types are not doing so well. Nope. Not at all.

But there is an opportunity out there. We just need to figure out how to seize it.

Characters

The characters are the narrator mainly, along with the birds she (he?) has brought along. The narrator references other people, but the reader never really “meets” them. Plus there are the birds he or she is carrying, in a cage.

But where are they?

Memorable Bits

The first night, in the big common room, their twittering kept people up. People complained, yes, but no one threatened me or the birds. After all, there are so few of us. To harm or threaten one of us is to threaten all of us.

I carried my cage wherever I went on the ship. I got to see what other people had brought along.  One woman had a glass bottle of expensive perfume, wrapped in layers and layers of plastic.  She told me she had been wealthy back on Earth.  It was all she had from her glory days.  So she understood why I had brought the birds.

Rating for Canaries

The story has a K rating.

Upshot or, Birds to the Rescue?

It was so great to hear Canaries would be published in Theme of Absence in March of 2019. So this was my second short story published by them. The first is The Interview.

So, I am also glad that the story ends with the slenderest thread of hope. There may be a way out, somehow, some way, after all.

And what would this review be without a quick musical interlude?

Canaries — because an early warning system just might save us all.


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Self-Review – The Interview

My Review of My Short Story – The Interview

The Interview came about because I conjured up a kicker of an opening line. After that, it immediately started to fall into place.

Background

Since I have been on countless job interviews, this one was rather easy to write. So, I brought forth a memory I have of an interview being conducted over lunch. It was an odd situation. Two guys met with me and neither of them ate anything. I ate a Caesar salad by myself.

Also, as I recall, they were supposed to take me to some swanky-ish place. But instead, we went to Pizzeria Uno. At that moment, I should have known damned well it was not going to go well.

Plot of The Interview

The narrator meets a woman who runs an agency which hunts demons. And then things go a little haywire from there. In particular, during their meeting, the narrator gives away how she can sense demons. So this starts out as being vital information. But not when the story ends, it isn’t any longer. Then it turns into an albatross around her neck.

As for the restaurant, it is a combination of a number of places I have been to. The parking lot, in particular, is from Jasper White’s Summer Shack in Cambridge, Massachusetts. But with the wine steward and all, the pretend restaurant in The Interview is a lot more hoity-toity.

Characters

The characters are the narrator and the head of the agency.  The narrator is the interviewee.

Memorable Quotes from The Interview

“So, how long have you wanted to hunt demons?” The question hung in the air for a second.

The job interview was being conducted over lunch and I had just taken in a big forkful of Fettuccine Alfredo. I washed it down with iced tea, swallowed, wiped my mouth, and tried not to look stupid. “It’s since I was just out of school. My classmates didn’t see them. But I did.”

Rating

The Interview has a K rating. While there is some menace behind it, nothing violent happens “on screen”.

Upshot

I was so happy when The Interview was the featured story in the December 14, 2018 edition of Theme of Absence. So they even interviewed me! Canaries is another story in Theme of Absence. So I guess they like me.

Fortunately I have never had an interview quite like this. #amediting


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Self-Review – Fatima’s Minnesota Wish

Review – Fatima’s Minnesota Wish

In 2021, I tried to write or at least start one short story per day. Fatima’s Minnesota Wish came from a single-word prompt: carousel. It is the third story I wrote during the first quarter of 2021.

Background for this Minnesota Wish

Fatima’s sister Aaliyah is dying of some unnamed heart or muscular disease. Their parents have brought their children to the Mayo Clinic, in the hopes that somewhere, somehow, there can be a miracle and there will be a suitable donor. But Aaliyah’s time is running out.

For Fatima, who is in the seventh grade, school is a mystery. She is learning English on the fly, but at least she understands math, for the numbers are the same. In order to help her acclimate better (and faster), the school offers the services of its speech therapist for some individualized instruction.

Into this difficult and sometimes bewildering world comes an expression from the speech therapist, Miss Crane: Go for the brass ring.

The first part of the story is Fatima figuring out just what that is, and hoping against all hope that it will be the one thing that saves her dying baby sister.

Plot

It’s all the Hussein family can do to try to keep their younger daughter Aaliyah alive. But every day, that gets harder and harder. Fatima, their elder daughter, is just trying to navigate life in a new country, with a bewildering new language.

Fatima’s own grief and sadness are spiked with a dose of the novelty of being in the United States and learning English. And maybe talking about boys with her new friends. But then there is that brass ring, and all it symbolizes.

Characters

The characters are mainly Fatima, her parents, Ali and Maryam, and her sister, Aaliyah. At school, Fatima’s teacher is Mrs. Murphy. Her speech teacher, helping Fatima learn English, is Miss Crane. Fatima’s friends are Nicole and Debbie.

At the hospital are Mr. and Dr. DePels and their daughter, Doris, along with Dr. Rosenthal. Also, there are Shmuly Baum’s parents, Herschel and Raya.

Memorable Quotes

Months went by, and of course Mrs. Murphy was right about the Minnesota winter. But it was only my parents and me who ever saw it. Aaliyah stayed in the hospital, month after month.

In the meantime, I was making friends with some girls: Nicole and Debbie. My father went to work at an engineering firm whenever he could. He would switch off with my mother, who would work in architecture, from home. But I could see how worried she was. It was hard for her to be creative. I suppose that’s understandable.

When May rolled around, the lovely weather got us all itching to go outside. Miss Crane used a rather odd expression with me. She said I should “reach for the brass ring”.

Rather than ask her what she meant, I decided to figure it out for myself. I just asked her for a hint, and she told me to go to a local park, to the carousel. She had to show me a picture, as I had never seen one before.

The park was open that weekend, and so I, in my halting English, asked the man running the carousel what the brass ring was. So, he showed me. There are rings in the center and, as your ride goes up and down and around, you lean over and reach out to try to grab one. And he said I could get any prize if I brought him one.

Rating

The story has a K rating.

Upshot for Fatima’s Minnesota Wish

I like the idea of this story probably more than how it actually came out. In part, this may be because it does not quite end. Rather, it just sort of runs out of gas. Which can happen with stories, naturally. And it follows vis a vis how her sister’s health is declining.

Perhaps I will try to pick it up again in the future, particularly if it becomes a story to query or to self-publish.

Fatima’s Minnesota wish is truly heartfelt. And maybe one day medicine will be able to grant it. #amwriting


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Self-Review – Revved Up

Review – Revved Up

Revved Up rocks.

It is the kind of story I tossed off rather quickly and then it just sort of took on a life of its own. Which was very cool but also rather unexpected.

Background

I got the idea for this story because I had recently stayed at my childhood home and noticed something odd in the front yard. And the truth is, it was nearly nothing. However, I sometimes have an overactive imagination, and so I took this idea and I ran with it.

What did I notice? It was only a few ruts near a flower bed. They were nothing, really, and were most likely made by a hoe or a rake. However, in my mind, I decided they would be tire tracks. And then the fun started.

The Plot of Revved Up

A holier than thou narrator starts telling a story to an unnamed police officer. The plot circles around the narrator’s elderly parents’ next-door neighbors. Pretty soon, the narrator starts referring to them as the POJ Family. That is, the “Pair of Jerks”.

As the story progresses, our narrator gets more and more self-righteous as the POJ Family continues to perform more and more outrageous acts in her parents’ sleepy, leafy Northern New Jersey suburban street.

Note: my folks lived on Long Island at the time, and my family does not own the inspiration house any more. I have no idea who lives there now.

Sharp-eyed readers should be able to follow along, at least in part. The narrator keeps a lot of information close to the vest, so it pays, actually, to read the book again. And no, I am not trying to inflate read counts.

Characters

I never actually name anyone in the story. The main character is the narrator, who is telling the story to an officer of the law. The other characters are her elderly parents, her son and daughter, various neighbors, and her next-door nemeses, the so-called POJ family.

The narrator is a divorced middle-aged woman and that is all a reader learns about her. Her children are teenagers; her parents, elderly and coming to the time in their lives when they are just about ready to move into assisted living.

As for the POJ family, they have a decidedly more earthy philosophy than our heroine. And so she takes matters into her own hands.

Memorable Quotes

I returned to my parents’ home and the three of us began washing the many plates – eighteen in all. My mother declared that perchance these city people did not understand our ways and so she carefully hand-lettered a number of delicately-worded thank you notes to everyone in the neighborhood. We knew who had provided the apple pie, the cherry cobbler and even the New York-style cheesecake.

Story Postings

The story’s sole posting is on Wattpad, where it became a Featured Story a few years ago. I hope you will get a chance to check out Revved Up on Wattpad

Rating for Revved Up

The story has a K rating.

Upshot for Revved Up

This story has had better traction than nearly anything I have ever written. With (as of the time of the updating of this blog post) over 59,500 reads and over 500 comments (many of which referenced the surprise ending), Revved Up remains an unqualified success.

Of course having had Featured Story status for several months helped a great deal.

Could I sell it? I have toyed with that idea, but the story is so odd and it is really too short for a novel. Plus it does not really lend itself to a sequel or even a prequel. While sequels are far from necessary, it can help if that’s an option. But I am totally fine without one.

Revved Up — because villains don’t have to look evil on the outside….


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Self-Review – The Enigman Cave

Review – The Enigman Cave

So, the first thing you should know is that the Enigman Cave has some of its roots in fan fiction. But I have changed a ton of it and I am more than confident that there is just no way any copyright could be asserted in this work that is not my own.

Background

So a few years ago, I had created a wholly original species called Witannen. They had flowers growing out of their scalps instead of hair, and the pure Witannen would sport little vestigial wings which could not be used for much of anything. But the flowers, the chavecoi, would have a symbiotic relationship with a Witannen and could photosynthesize and prevent starvation.

At times, the flowers would even make almost a statement, where the character might be saying one thing, but the chavecoi were turning some odd color or pointing is some direction in direct contradiction. Hence, Witannen could not play poker successfully.

The Enigmans, however, were something else. Also, I wanted them to be a lot more primitive. However it was not until I decided to make them similar to Australopithecines that they sprang into sharp focus.

Plot

Marnie and her crew on the Valentina Tereshkova have one job: to find multi-cellular life. They have already found tons of primordial soup and unicellular life. The galaxy seems to abound with it. Hence the opening line: Life is common.

I think it is one of the better opening lines I have ever written.

Back at home, there is a world government. But they seem to have forgotten the Val and the other wedge ships (another 20+ are also looking for life but have gone in other directions). And no wonder, as the government is collapsing. When the Val finds the Enigmans, the new despotic government sees an opportunity to play at being Cortez 2.0.

Marnie feels her only hope of protecting the people of the Enigman Cave is to prove their intelligence. But how?

In the JAG Court.

Characters

The main character is Captain Marnie Shapiro, of the USS Valentina Tereshkova.

Also, the other upper level characters include her first officer, Patricia LaRue, who she calls Trixie, which makes her sound like a dance hall girl. Trixie is from London, Kentucky, with an accent right out of the holler.

The chief medical officer is Dr. Jazminder Parikh. At the start of the book, she and her girlfriend, Ginny Carey, have recently ended their relationship.

Then there is Marnie’s ex-husband, Ben Chase. Ben is the chief botanist aboard and he and his fiancée, nurse Kristen Watson, are about to be married. He also cheated on Marnie with Kristen.

Among other women on board.

So, things are uncomfortable. But when Marnie meets the nighttime veterinarian, Lex Feldman, sparks fly. Nighttime vet, you ask? There are two vets, because the ship’s food stores are alive: goats, chickens, cod, and salmon. There is even a form of farming.

In space.

Day shift vet Tom Ciorciari is on the Bridge, because the Scientific Officer (I tried so hard to keep it from just copying Star Trek), Art Yarrow, is on paternity leave. Yes, it is a ship with children, and even a mid-level officer in charge of them.

Plus the lawyers of the JAG Court are also important characters. The head of that unit is Hunter Garcia. The others are Terry Lynn Shull, Steve Roberts, Mike Medeiros, and Nick Minecci.

Also, lots of characters in The Enigman Cave are named after people I know.

The scenes take place either on board the Val or on the surface of Kepler 423-B, which they name Enigma.

Fun Fact About The Enigman Cave

I originally wanted to call this piece The Enigma Cave. And then I learned that title was already taken.

Ewps.

Memorable Quotes from The Enigman Cave

“Yes, Dr. Chase? The captain needs you here on the Bridge.”

And then in the background, there was Ben’s voice, whining and complaining, “I’m in the middle of an experiment.”

“Benjamin Chase!” Marnie yelled, her sudden increase in volume scaring everyone and breaking Tom out of his trance. “Get your ass over here. Now! Or I get somebody else to run Botany.”

“All right. But I blame you if this experiment goes to hell.” He cut the connection.

Tom looked back over his shoulder at Marnie. “What did we just find?”

“Wait for confirmation. Just, just wait for it. Astrid, send Ben the picture you took of the green stuff. Send it to his tablet.”

“Will do.”

A few minutes later, Chase stomped in. “You know I’m not on the Bridge crew,” he began, glaring at his ex-wife. “And who the hell sent me a picture of a bunch of chlorophyll?”

“Chlorophyll?” asked Ray. The others just stared.

“Yes! Goddamned chlorophyll. I don’t have the time for these shenanigans,” Chase huffed.

“Ben,” Marnie looked him in the eye, “are you absolutely certain that stuff is chlorophyll?”

“I know chlorophyll when I see it. Every botanist does.”

“And the chemical formula, Tom, what do you have on your screen?”

“C55H72O5N4Mg.”

More Quotes from The Enigman Cave (same scene)

“That, C-whatever, that stuff,” Marnie said. “Is that chlorophyll?”

“Yes.” Chase was even more peeved. “Everybody past Biochemistry 101 knows that.”

“They never found it off Earth though, eh?” Marnie asked, playing her trump card.

“What?”

“Here,” Astrid punched up another picture. “This is the atmosphere of the world we’re orbiting.”

Ben leaned over and then looked through the scope at the Scientific station. “Well, I’ll be damned.” He, too, was slack-jawed. “We, we found it.”

“Are you sure?” asked Marnie.

“Yes,” Chase was threatening to become as shell-shocked as Marnie and Tom had been. “Algae can have chlorophyll. They’re technically unicellular. But they, they live communally. I, I would say they, they count as, as multi-cellular.”

“Remember where you were, remember what you were thinking and, and how you felt,” Marnie said to them. “Because this is goddamned history.”

Rating

So if I had to rate The Enigman Cave, I would put it at about T for Teen. Because there are three sex scenes (one alien). Plus there is one incidence of violence but it is only on screen for a brief moment.

The inciting incident is a pair of deaths but the story starts after that, so I do not show them.

Also, as I have continued to rewrite and edit the piece, I have ended up realizing that the sex scenes were a bit too explicit. So, they are getting more toned down these days.

Upshot

So, at the time, it was the best book I had ever written. But now? I can’t say. I can still see some parts where it could stand to be trimmed. So, now I strongly suspect it will need an overhaul before I can even think about querying it. Or maybe self-publishing it.

As for Marnie and her pals, there is also a prequel. And even a little side story that is a very tiny sequel.

The Enigman universe has room for some sequels. What do you think?


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Want More of The Enigman Cave?

If The Enigman Cave resonates with you, then please be sure to check out my other blog posts about how our society handles first contact with a species that may be as primitive as Australopithecus.

Character Reviews: The Enigman Cave

† Marnie Shapiro
• Trixie LaRue
† Jazminder Parikh, MD
• Lex Feldman
† Benjamin Chase
• Ginny Carey

The Enigman Cave Universe

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Self-Review – The End

The End marks one of my first forays back into story writing since, egad, 1986?

I wrote this story during second quarter 2011. A quarter of a century later.

I think.

It’s a little tough to tell as its origins have been lost to the mists of time.

And now, half again years later, I’m reviewing it. Finally!

Review – The End

There is some stuff I dabbled with in law school (which I typed on paper and would have to be scanned—a daunting task at best). And there are some writing books. But otherwise, there doesn’t seem to be anything older than this.

Unless you want to count the drawings with captions I did when I was a preschooler.

On second thought, maybe don’t. And, I wouldn’t be able to find them, anyway. They’re most likely in a Staten Island landfill.

Background

This was kind of a dreamy story, as I recall. Either it was a dream about a million stars rushing toward me, or a thought experiment about the same thing. It doesn’t matter now.

Plot

A rogue star spirals into the center of the galaxy, a sure-fire collision course with an end to all life on any of its planets. After just about everyone is gone, there are only a few stragglers left to witness the end.

What happens when an entire star system has run out of luck?

Characters

The characters are Joppa and Esado. As their world ends, she has decided to stay, although I never say why.

He stays because he couldn’t afford passage on a spaceship. And, they’ve both heard ‘terrible things’ about what happened to the flights. I never really say what happens.

But my feeling is that the ships failed. After all, when you’re where they are, gravity is ridiculously high. Escape velocity is just not going to happen, unless a ship is exceptionally powerful. Were theirs? I doubt it.

Two other characters and scientists Lysom and Shanlin, who is a woman. Are the scientists human? I deliberately went vague with their names. It’s up to the reader to decide.

Because me? I’ve got no idea.

Memorable Quotes

They walked to Esado’s home as Joppa appraised him. He was so much younger than her, perhaps half her age. He’d been a delivery boy before the spiraling had begun. In another time, she’d’ve ignored him. In another time, she’d’ve had a son his age. But there was no other time.

They began preparing the meal as Esado began to babble. “I’ve heard that the time is coming soon.” Joppa didn’t have to ask what time. It was the time.

“Oh? And I have heard that for months. Every day for a while there, the media told us that the day when we would reach the galactic center would be in a week or a month. Yet it has been over a year. What news are you hearing? Aren’t the media outlets all closed anyway?”

“I, just, I know. There has been no one to tell me.” he said, lowering his eyes. “It just seems that the night is getting as short as it can. Last night was less than an hour. It must be soon.”

“Yes, I suppose you are correct. Tell me, Esado, why are you still here? I am here by choice, but you are young. Why didn’t you fly away?”

“I wanted to, but I didn’t have the money and was saving. And then we heard all of those terrible things about the flights. It seemed smarter to stay and face the end here, at home. My parents, they went to the mountains, but I said my good-byes to them. I wanted, no, I want, to be here when it happens.”

Rating for The End

The story has a K+ rating. While the really bad stuff isn’t on screen, the reader knows this is not a story with anything near a happy ending.

Takeaways for The End

There is no question that I write better these days. A lot better. But it’s not a bad little story. And I still like the premise. Maybe I’ll revisit it one of these days.

And, of course, the entire premise is faulty. Because the center of every galaxy is dominated by a supermassive black hole. This includes the Milky Way.

So, unfortunately, Joppa, Esado, and all the other inhabitants of their unlucky system wouldn’t leave fossils. They would be crushed into cosmic dust.

Who knows if there are any civilizations lost this way? I don’t believe there’s any way we could ever possibly know. Unless, of course, we could travel in time and hop between universes.


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Self-Review – And the Band Played the Apocalypse

Review – And the Band Played the Apocalypse

And the Band Played the Apocalypse harkens back to my childhood. Now, of course I didn’t live through an apocalypse. And I hope I never do! Rather, whenever my family would visit my grandmother in Brooklyn, I would have very little to do.

I’d get really, really bored. I would be so bored that I would search for something, anything to read. There were two books there which I read and reread, over and over again. One was The Wizard of Oz.

The other was a set of Greek and Roman myths. These had been adjusted for what we would now call middle grade readers. It might even be this book.

The latter book had a story called Baucis and Philemon. In that story, an old married couple who provide hospitality to disguised gods are rewarded with being saved from a flood. Their wish is to die at the same time. The gods grant their wish.

They die by being transformed into trees. It was this bit of the story that I decided to emulate as the end of this story (oops, big spoiler alert!).

I wrote this story during second quarter 2021.

Background

This story came from a one-word prompt, when I was writing every day and creating random prompts that I followed in alphabetical order. This time, the prompt was the word Jazz.

So, what better place to convey the prompt word than New Orleans? And then the plot took a few weird turns.

Plot

As the last of the human race dies out due to the effects of a virus meant to only kill rodents, the anti-Adam and Eve meet for one last song. One last riff.

Characters

The characters are the Saxophone Woman (not-Sally) and the Tambourine Guy (not-Lloyd). I also call the Saxophone Woman the stranger. Plus there are the countless dogs and cats still alive, haunting the streets of New Orleans.

Memorable Quotes

“Pretty soon, there won’t be any more language. Except for dolphins, I guess. We should’ve been cetaceans. No opposable thumbs, no civilization. But at least no self-inflicted genocide.”

The stranger touches the instrument’s keys. “Then again, no saxophones, either. Whatever will some future alien explorers think of us? What fossils will we leave? Will it be the grillwork fences here on Bourbon Street, rusted to a fare-thee-well? Bones for my chorus’s dinner? The marble mausoleums? Stone and bone, I bet. Crumbling, rusty dust where there were once cars, and buildings. And, hell, clipboards and knitting needles. All the ephemera of our existence. Gone, like swallows at the end of summer.” A few coughs.

“Yes, yes, I am well aware that I’m being dramatic. But I don’t think overly so. After all, the end is nigh. If I can’t get bombastic now, then when can I?”

A jangle.

“What was that?”

The stranger glances around and spots a dog that still has its collar and tags. The stranger kneels, knees cracking. “C’mere! Come on! Good doggie. Good doggie.”

The dog trots over, its matted reddish-brown fur daubed with mud. “Just a sec.” The stranger unbuckles the collar and reads from the tags. “Rusty. You’re a good dog, Rusty ole pal.”

Another jangle.

The stranger freezes. In a moment, trembling, she straightens up. “More collars, I bet. Well, I suppose there are worse ways to spend your last hours. I can spend mine freeing Fido and Spot from the oppressive yoke of ownership. Humanity in our final moments goes commie. Who’d’ve thunk it?”

More jangling. But this time, in a semblance of rhythm.

Trembling, the stranger calls out, “Who’s there?” And then, thinking better of it, the stranger blows a few notes on the sax. An old song by Bob Dylan. “… there ain’t no place I’m going to.”

A pause.

“Ain’t that the truth?”

Rating for And the Band Played the Apocalypse

The story has a K rating. While the prospect of the end of the world is always going to be unsettling, the characters do their best to make do in a bad situation. Nothing violent happens ‘on screen’.

Takeaways for And the Band Played the Apocalypse

I think my biggest takeaway is that inspiration can strike in all sorts of wacky and unexpected ways. So many wacky ways!

So, as writers, everyone tells us to read—constantly—and this story is proof of that concept. Essentially, you can get ideas this way. And in the case of this particular story, my memory of the myth I had read during my childhood came in handy a good four decades later.


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Alix’s Apocalypse

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Self-Review – … And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Again

Due to the rise in antisemitic incidents since October 7, 2023, I decided to write … And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Again in order to, essentially, create a story with Jewish heroes and heroines.

Review – … And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Again

For this story, I dug back. Way back.

My idea was to treat the Hebrew Tanakh (the 5 books of Moses plus the rest of the Torah) as historical fact—and for those facts to be jeopardized by careless time traveling by bad actors.

I wrote this story during first quarter 2024.

Background

After the awful attack on October 7, 2023, I wanted to write a story where Jewish people in particular would be heroic.

Their power and heroism would not come from oppression. Rather, they would come from cooperation. And from smart, fast, out of the box thinking.

This meant digging back to a person in any of our ancient books who was at all like an action hero—Joshua.

Plot

It’s the December holidays, 3863. When a new guy comes to work at the temporal experience, change, travel control agency (TECTA), the Jewish employees take him under their wing. But while they’re meeting to shmooze and get to know him, time changes.

Suddenly, place names are changed. So are people’s names. The menorah (chanukiah), Kwanzaa candleabrum, and Christmas tree in the main reception area are gone. In their place, there’s a barbecue pit for animal sacrifices. And there’s a golden calf.

Can Rachel Shapiro and her team find the problem and fix it, even as their boss calls her Athena Arno and threatens the death penalty for daring to say that slavery is wrong?

Characters

The characters are Rachel Shapiro, Max Freedman, Chief Engineer Kevin O’Connor, Quartermaster Penelope Schulman, Cheri Nicolaev (an analyst), Dave Miller (in PR), Steve Bernstein (a historian), Diana St. John, their boss Victoria Chilton, and Mohammed Hamdi.

Rachel also refers to two other travelers on her team, Phil and Sharon. Sharon is Sharon Ensley, thereby neatly giving her more of a backstory.

Nicolaev is a direct link to the character Olga Nicolaev in Mettle.

There are also characters on the planetary Senate committee, Chair Margaret Johnson, Michael Peterson, Jerome Simon, David St. James, and Elizabeth Angelini. Angelini is a direct link to a minor character in The Real Hub of the Universe.

But that reference is fleeting and I do not make it at all obvious.

Memorable Quotes

It was December 19, 3863. Offices were decked in all manner of holiday fluff. There was an enormous Christmas tree in the front reception area, plus a menorah, and a Kwanzaa candelabra. Along with my usual mezuzah on my office door, there was an electric chanukiah on my credenza. I was in the middle of dictating a report on a recent trip to 1976 Romania and had my door shut. There was a knock. “Computer, pause. Come in.”

The guy who had knocked was maybe in his twenties, a little nebbishy-looking and short, with the start of a beard. “Hi,” he said. “I hope I’m not intruding.”

“Not at all. Late-stage communism isn’t the most exciting thing to report on. What brings you here, stranger?”

“Oh, yes, I’m Max Freedman. I couldn’t help but notice your mezuzah, Ms…..” his voice trailed off as he checked the name plate mounted on the wall, just outside my office door, “… Shapiro. I’m hoping you celebrate Chanukah.”

“I sure do. I had sufganiyot sent over from a deli on Pluto, but I bet the break room already looks like a tornado went through it. Please call me Rachel. Come in and have a seat, Max.” As he sat down, I asked, “Which department are you in? I know you’re not a traveler, as I do the hiring for my team.”

“Mechanics, actually.”

“Temporal or tinkering with the hardware?”

“A bit of both.” He scratched the back of his neck for a second. “Rachel, I am so glad I saw your door. I was starting to think I was the only Jew working on TECTA.”

Rating for …And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Again

The story has a K+ rating. There’s a very small amount of swearing and a woman is murdered. But her killing takes place offscreen.

Takeaways for … And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Again

Unlike a lot of my other short stories from 2024, I like the ending. It conveys a sense of menace and opens up the storyline for sequels. This, easily, could become a series for Rachel Shapiro, but also for Sharon Ensley.

But I do need to fix some parts of A Chance Encounter in Time in order to make these related stories relate to each other even more seamlessly.


Want More of my Short Stories and Novellas?

If the story of Rachel Shapiro going back to biblical times resonates with you, then check out my other articles about my shorter works about the Obolonk universe in the very deep future.

1960s Temporal Crimes
A Chance Encounter in Time

Short Stories

Finally, for a complete list of my shorter works, please be sure to check out the Hub Page—Short Stories.

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Self-Review – 1960s Temporal Crimes

I wrote 1960s Temporal Crimes by the seat of my pants. But I don’t think it shows its seams too badly.

Review – 1960s Temporal Crimes

Welcome back to my universes, time traveling bounty hunter (at times) Sharon Ensley.

I wrote this story during first quarter 2023. It’s kind of long. So, I’m not so sure it qualifies as a short story. Maybe it’s a novella? I don’t know. I just work here. 😉

Background

It was maybe half a year after I had been working closely with a critique group. It went all right, but they were on the west coast. When time switched to daylight savings, I could not make the meetings any longer.

One of the stories was about a Jewish gangster. This may very well have been on my mind when I dreamt up small time Jersey thug Ray Hall.

Plot

On her first solo trip in time, Sharon Ensley’s tech cracks. Unable to get home, she enlists the help of small time mobster Ray Hall. Sharon has to capture criminal Marcus Vandermore and bring him back to their time. And the only way she’ll be able to do that is to take Marcus’s tech.

But the trip to 1961 New Jersey isn’t all it seems, because Ray isn’t what he seems. For Sharon to do the right thing, but also do her job, it’ll take some fancy footwork. Is the rookie time traveler up to it?

Characters

The characters are Sharon Ensley, Ray Hall, Peggy O’Shaughnessy and her father Declan, Marcus Vandermore (in the past, he calls himself Victor), mob boss Les Hargreaves, and mob lieutenant Ralph Appleton.

I really enjoyed giving the hoods such all-American/nonethnic names.

Ray also refers to nurse’s aides named Rosalie (with her son, Jean-Paul) Baptiste, Juanita Rodriguez, May St. John, Micheline St. John, and Deborah Toussaint.

The story is from Sharon’s point of view. It works as more or less a prequel to both A Chance Encounter in Time and …And the Walls Came Tumbling Down Again.

Memorable Quotes {Ray and Sharon are Speaking}

“Oh, no, you don’t. Don’t be changing the subject on me. How can I help you? Tell me, flat out, the whole truth.”

Peggy arrived with the fries. “The complete, flat out, whole truth is these were reheated.” She winked at Sharon. “But you never heard me say that.”

“Of course not.” Sharon took a still-hot fry and tasted it. Good Lord, real potatoes are amazing. I don’t even care that they were reheated. These people have no idea what they’ve got.

Once Peggy was gone again, Ray leaned over, closer to Sharon. In a low voice, he asked again, “What’s the whole truth? You know, so help you God and everything.”

Sharon sighed. If this wasn’t my first time soloing, I’d probably have a good answer for that. So, I guess my only choice is to tell the truth. “The guy I’m looking for, Vandermore, can be dangerous. I figure you can put your hand on weapons if you ever have to.”

“And?”

“And part of my taking him back is taking possession of his tech.”

“Er, why? Don’t you have some sort of a machine or whatever of your own? Otherwise, how could you have gotten here in the first place?”

“I do. But it’s not working quite right.”

“Ah, and there it is.” He stole one of her fries. “You’re afraid you’re stuck here.”

“Well, yeah. And you’ve got fries of your own.”

“I prefer a little petty larceny. But in all seriousness, there are other people you could have turned to. So, I repeat, why me?”

“When I scanned you, I found traces of Vandermore’s DNA. Ray, you met him.”

Rating for 1960s Temporal Crimes

The story has a K+ rating. There is no real violence, although there are hints of it. Also, there is some swearing, but not too much.

Takeaways for 1960s Temporal Crimes

Like a lot of my stories, I am not too thrilled with how it ends. So, I will most likely start to think of an alternative one of these days.

It was fun bringing Sharon back. This story works particularly well as a prequel to A Chance Encounter in Time. But since both stories involve her being stuck due to her tech failing, I should probably rethink the pretext as well.


Want More of my Short Stories and Novellas?

If the story of Sharon Ensley collaborating with a small-time hood resonates with you, then check out my other articles about my shorter works.

Short Stories

For a complete list of my shorter works, please be sure to check out the Hub Page—Short Stories.

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Self-Review – Mandy Goes to Aspen

A Look at Mandy Goes to Aspen

I like Mandy Goes to Aspen because the character is so matter of fact about everything. Even the fact that she’s been hurt pretty badly. But then again, it’s nothing compared to what happened to other people.

This story was written during first quarter 2021. The initial prompt was a single word: avalanche.

It is the first of the short stories I wrote that year. My intention was to write every single day, and I followed through pretty well.

Background

These prompts were more or less random, and I had no plot or plan for this story. But I think it turned out pretty well. Still, the truth is, it did not start to truly come together until I changed Avalanche to A. Valanche.

And one of my favorite parts of this little story is the opening line:

Well, that sucked.

Plot

Somewhat ditzy and average-level talented Mandy Johnson goes to Aspen in order to schmooze with agents, acting coaches, directors, and other actors.

But things take a turn when Mandy is trapped in snow after an avalanche during skiing buries her.

With sardonic humor and a lot of very necessary ingenuity, this aspiring ingenue survives the big one.

Characters

The characters are Mandy (er, Amanda Catherine Johnson, to get technical) and Carol. I never give Carol a last name. There’s also Mandy’s agent, Arlene. But Mandy only mentions Arlene and we never see or hear her ‘on screen’, as it were.

There are also people in the lodge but again, Mandy only refers to them but the reader never sees them. Most of the story is more like a soliloquy.

Memorable Quotes

You know, those huge, slobbery dogs that I am totally afraid of? Those great big lumbering beasts. I hope they have tequila. Or is it brandy? Scotch? Can you tell them your preference?

I’d like a not too slobbery Saint Bernard. And put margaritas in that little keg thing they wear around their necks.

If I absolutely must sacrifice, then I suppose I will live without salt. So uncivilized.

Who am I kidding? I would kiss the first rescue dog I saw.

But not French; it’s not in my contract.

Rating for Mandy Goes to Aspen

The story has a K+ rating. After all, falling down the side of a mountain would make anyone swear.

Takeaways for Mandy Goes to Aspen

I like Mandy. She’s not only a survivor. She’s also self-aware enough to realize that she’s not going to win any prizes. Mandy would be lucky to get a part as Go-Go Dancer #3 in some screamfest. Most importantly, she can figure out how to solve a lot of her own problems.

I have no plans for a sequel or anything else. But I should probably clean this story up and submit it somewhere.


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