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Author: Janet Gershen-Siegel

I'm not much bigger than a breadbox.

Almost Everything But the Tweet – Conquering Twitter (metrics and timing)

Let’s Look at Almost Everything But the Tweet — Twitter Metrics and the Art and Science of Tweet Timing

Metrics and timing. When you tweet may not seem to matter too much. In particular, if you don’t tweet too terribly often, your tweets will still be out there, so why bother to even care about timing?

metrics and timing

Not so fast.

Patterns

According to The Science of Retweets, Twitter users tend to follow some recognizable patterns.

First thing Monday morning is prime time for retweeting; so is five o’clock on a Friday afternoon. And it’s always 5 o’clock … somewhere.

Yet that makes sense, as tweeters are either settling into the work week or are just about to start the weekend. Weekend tweeting is another animal as well.

Noon is another good time for retweeting—people are at lunch or are about to go. That’s true for people who go into an office and also those who work from home.

Plus there’s also the matter of accounts (often for job sites) that pump out a good dozen tweets, one right after another. These have little individual impact and seem only to be useful for later searching.

Timed tweeting seems almost counterintuitive. But for a business to use Twitter effectively, the tweets should be planned anyway. Why not plan not only their content but also their timing?

Scheduling Software

Here’s where services like Tweet Deck, Social Oomph (formerly Tweet Later) and HootSuite can provide some assistance. By scheduling the most important tweets for the very start and end (and middle) of each business day, you can add to their impact.

Separating out your tweets can also get them all out there while simultaneously preventing a flood of tweets which many users are generally just going to ignore.

Another positive upshot to spacing out your tweets is giving you content that can be used later. For Social Media platforms, it’s easy to initially attack them with an enormous amount of enthusiasm and then taper off or even fizzle out entirely.

If you regularly spit out twenty tweets per day, you’ll be tweeting 100 times during any given work week. Even your most dedicated followers are probably not going to read every single one. Plus, you’re setting yourself up for burnout.

Repeating tweets is pretty much a given, particularly when you consider how many touches people need before they buy just about anything. If someone missed your “Everything’s on sale!” tweet, then you want to catch them on the flip side, eh?

Time Zone Scheduling

So, instead, how about scheduling only two tweets per day (say, at 9:00 and 5:00 PM in the time zone where you have the greatest market share)? That way, you’ll have more people reading and no one will feel overwhelmed. Plus your 100 tweets will work for a little over a month or even two, if you are judicious and don’t tweet on the weekends.

So long as your tweets aren’t intimately tied to a specific time (e. g. announcements of an upcoming event), it shouldn’t matter. And, if they are, you might want to consider splitting them over several Twitter accounts. Perhaps open up one for just events in Seattle, for example.

Now, what about metrics?

URLs

Unfortunately, Twitter itself doesn’t do much, so you’ll mainly have to cobble things together yourself and use off-Twitter resources. One idea is to use a URL-shortening service that tracks basic metrics, such as Social Oomph or HootSuite. You may not get much more data from them than click count, but it’s still something. Hoot Suite provides .owly link metrics, with two free reports.

Another idea is to use a unique URL for the site URL in your profile, say, https://yoursite.com/twitter. If you’ve got Google Analytics set up, you can track when that page is used for landings to your site, and its bounce rate.

For commercial ventures, you might even make up a coupon code and tweet about it. Or use your Twitter landing page as a means of communicating certain special offers available only to Twitter users.

This is also useful for segmenting your audience when you want to send them email (with their double opt-in permission, of course!).

Follower/Following Ratio Metrics

Your number of followers, and the ratio of followers to who you follow, is all well and good, but it’s hard to say what you’re measuring. On Twitter, as on much of the web, popularity tends to breed even more popularity. And, it doesn’t really mean much if you have a number of purely spammy sites following you. They aren’t reading your tweets, anyway, so what’s the point?

This dilutes any idea of what these numbers might provide regarding influence, but if for some reason you really want to be followed by a bunch of spammers, just place the term weight loss into your profile and never block the spammers. In fact, follow them back, and you can get even more of them.

It hardly seems a worthwhile trophy to be followed by the biggest-ever village of spammers, eh?

And for God’s sake, don’t buy followers! That way lies madness. And it’s a fine ticket to being banned, or at least it used to be.

Some Metrics

Some sites, such as Audiense, show number of followers and their influence and activity. You can see which inactive people you follow (so you can drop them if you like), which famous people follow you, etc. Some of these are admittedly vanity metrics, but they are helpful.

Tweet Stats demonstrates, among other things, a graph of daily aggregate tweets. And it also contains your most popular hours to tweet and who you retweet. You’ll probably have to pay a different site for stats like exposure and reach. E. g. this means impressions and mentions of any topic, be it a word, a phrase, a user id or a hashtag.

In conclusion, keep up with Twitter, but don’t overwhelm your followers with floods of content. And measure your influence as well as you can, both using your own and external tools. If you can adjust your tweets to better serve your followers, your true influence will surely rise.


Want More About Twitter AKA X?

If my experiences with X resonate with you, then check out my other articles about Twitter/X. While it’s now got a new name, and has changed considerably, a lot of these tips will still work—and often with other social media platforms as well.

Almost Everything But the Tweet

Starting a Twitter Stream
Demystifying Twitter
Twitter, Social Media and Professionalism
Conquering Twitter (verbal elements)
Conquering Twitter (visual elements)
Optimizing Twitter
Conquering Twitter (metrics and timing)
Conquering Twitter (offsite connections)
Getting More Twitter Followers

And, if you’re a fellow writer, you may want to check out:
PitMad on Twitter

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Plotting 101

Put Plotting on the Front Burner

It can often be hard to start plotting. Yet start you must. Characters have got to do… something or other.

So, here are some ideas to get your characters and you moving.

Scenarios. Start there. So this is the small stuff, just one scene. Here are a few possibilities.

• Meet cute in a coffee shop (or whatever the equivalent is in your universe).
† Fight over the last piece of pie.
• Announcing something startling (e.g. I’m gay! I’m not! Hey, I’m your dad! Soylent Green is people! ~ whatever floats your boat).
† A hard decision has to be made regarding the future of an elderly or disabled family member (can also be a pet if you prefer).
• A character is being pushed to go to fight in a war they do not believe in.
† An academic or athletic competition is tainted by a cheating scandal.

Don’t like my scenes? So do something else. You won’t hurt my feelings.

Or something similar. So the idea here is, throw your characters into various situations. This also means you probably aren’t using all your characters in each of these situations.

Maybe Aunt Mary and your biker chick character do best in the fight over the pie. Maybe your sailor character and the dentist character do best in the cheating scandal.

Plotting and Swapping and the Ole Switcheroo

Now swap characters. Move those chess pieces around. Why do your lawyer character and your dog trainer character work so poorly in the announcement scene?

Why do your Italian designer character and your drum majorette character do so well in the war scene, but so poorly when they’re paired with anyone else?

Also—the weird variety is the point. You’re throwing Jell-O against the wall to start. So, what sticks? What flops?

You may find a scenario works better if you change something or other. So, maybe the hard decision is about a child. Maybe the competition is a bake-off. Whatever. You do you.

Start to Tie it Together

As you change and manipulate this stuff, and pull the characters’ puppet strings, start to think of how the stuff ties together. And also write the before and the after.

Those scenes I reeled off, above? They’re not the first or the last one. Rather, they’re like Scene #14 out of 63 scenes. So, you’ve got room for the ramp-up and the denouement.

Wait, is This Plotting? Why Yes, It Is!

And hey, guess what? Every time you change up the situation, you are plotting. Every time you write the sequel and the prequel (or at least imagine them), you’re plotting. And every time you swap the characters, you’re also plotting.

Now it’s time to fit things in better. A medieval fantasy world won’t have coffee shops and maybe no one can meet cute. So now it’s a tavern, or a jousting tournament.

Maybe pie doesn’t exist in your universe (quelle horreur!) and starving characters are fighting over a crust of bread. Or the war is a nuclear one, and no one wants to go who isn’t some out of touch general.

Again, you do you.

What’s Next?

And write this stuff down! At some point, when you start to see some winner ideas, think about what the connective tissue is between them. The war and the meeting cute could bookend a relationship. The pie and the cheating could be symptoms of narcissism.

So, once this starts to become second nature, you’ll have your own scenarios. And maybe you won’t need to try quite so many combinations.

As is true in many areas of life, practice makes perfect, or at least perfect-er.

You can do eet!

Plotting 101 is just the start. #amwriting


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The Conquest of LinkedIn – Last Little Bits

Let’s Look at the Conquest of LinkedIn and its Last Little Bits

What sort of last little bits? Now, there’s more to LinkedIn than what I’ve already covered. And, truth be told, the number and diversity of add-ons and features is only going to keep growing. As with any other truly viable online business, LinkedIn keeps adding new bells and whistles, and constantly A/B testing. It is already a far different site from the one I joined a few years ago. And, by the way, I have never gone Premium. I think it’s a waste of money, particularly for job seekers who are often watching every dime.

However, there is an appreciable difference between making and keeping your page lively and interesting, versus making it too busy. I don’t think that you need everything. Really. I think a bit of restraint is in order.

Connections List

Your connections list is not as granular as it once was, possibly a function of LinkedIn getting larger. After all, by 2025, LinkedIn is projected to have over a billion users. Hence the demands of data, and server speed and size, mean that they aren’t going to give you as many opportunities to add metadata about your connections.

Instead, the site offers groups. Create a group, and invite likely people to join it. Your High School’s graduating class, or your sorority chapter might be good choices, as your High School is probably already represented and your sorority might be as well. But these groups provide more specificity. Of course, not everyone you invite will join one of these groups, but it’s worth a shot. Still, LinkedIn is no longer trying to be like a CRM system. That’s, I feel, for the better, as it gives the site more focus as a networking platform.

Events

Another tool that is gone is events. A pity, in some ways. But again, the site is looking to focus itself better. That includes eliminating some of the fat.

Following a Company

LinkedIn provides the ability to follow a company. If you are in charge of your company’s LinkedIn profile, you can help to stimulate this information stream by listing comings and goings, promotions and transfers. Got an event going on, with an interesting or attractive look to it? Take a picture and post it!

Profile Page Shortcut

The shortcut to your profile page is an easy way to make yourself stand out a bit more. Just select a reasonable shortcut for yourself. Mine is my last name, because it’s unique.

Last Little Bits on Your Profile Photograph

The last, and perhaps most important bit is your profile picture. To add, or not to add? I say, add it. It’s not like you’re going to hide your race, your age, or your gender if you meet someone. So you may as well come forward so that, if you meet in person, they can recognize you. Use a recent, clear headshot, and for God’s sake, smile! Look professional and approachable, and try to keep it current. That reminds me; I should probably update mine.

Last Little Bits and Some Takeaways

There will undoubtedly be more changes  and last little bits as LinkedIn dreams up new ways to connect business persons. Perhaps virtual reality is in its future. Stay tuned – I may blog more about LinkedIn and its last little bits as it continues to reinvent and improve itself.

LinkedIn is constantly changing. These might end up not being the last little bits after all.


Want More About the Conquest of LinkedIn?

If my experiences with LinkedIn resonate with you, then check out my other articles about the largest networking site on the planet.

What LinkedIn Has to Offer

Your Profile Page
Your Resume
Meeting Offline
Your Network
Giving Your LinkedIn Profile A Facelift
Last Little Bits
InMaps – Visualize Your Network on LinkedIn

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Self-Review – Untrustworthy

So, Let’s Look at Untrustworthy

Untrustworthy is my first-ever published novel.

Background

And, much like a fan fiction novel called Reversal, it begins with a dream. Yet that makes perfect sense, as a dream inspired it.

And the dream, originally, was of seeing scenery change before my eyes. I have had this same dream before and since, and have written about it before and since, yet in different ways every time.

Yes, I am well aware that this is a cliché. Ah, well.

Plot

As Tathrelle begins the part of her life related by the story, the reader sees flashbacks of what seems like a dream and then seems like an earlier existence. However, the older life gets cut short in favor of the new.

Tathrelle’s waking life, instead, centers around her wife Ixalla, and the children they are about to have. Past is prologue.

The Cabossians, a species made up by me, can have children in any combination, so long as both parties are fertile. Hence both mpreg and all varieties of marriage (same- and mixed-sex) figure in the plot.

Furthermore, Tathrelle’s new job drives a lot of the action, as she has just won an election and represents the people in what obviously starts off as a military dictatorship. Also, in the background, a disembodied voice tells the people what to do.

The first statements come out more as helpful hints and requests, such as to thank the public transportation driver or set the thermostat to a particular setting.

But that’s all about to change.

Characters

The main characters are Tathrelle, Ixalla, Velexio, Adger, and Students Number Five and Seventeen, along with a character just referred to as the unknown girl. The scene is solely on the planet Caboss, in the Central City.

One thing that surprised me as I wrote is that the main character, Tathrelle, did not turn out to be my favorite. Instead, that honor belongs to Ixalla. Ixalla was originally not much more than an expository mouthpiece. But she really took flight when she became a revolutionary.

Memorable Quote

Ixalla yelled to them all, “This is the very last vestige of your privacy, and it is going up in smoke! You are all voluntarily giving it up! And for what? Is it for some vague notion of security? For the new requirement that anyone who is fertile is not just privileged, but that they are – we are – somehow, now, required to prove our fecundity? What will we have to prove next?”

Music

The inspirational song for this book is Bastille’s Pompeii. Over ten years later, and I am still incapable of hearing the song without thinking of the book, and vice versa.

Story Postings

Unlike some of the other works in this blog (as of now), this story is for sale (see below). It is not truly ‘posted’ anywhere. Even on the NaNoWriMo site, all you can find is a very short snippet.

There is a prequel, Unreliable. I suspect it will be better for me to make and keep that one permanently free. Perhaps it could be a perk for signing up for my writer newsletter? I’m not sure yet.

Rating for Untrustworthy

The story is Rated T. When the messages from the disembodied voice start to turn nasty, the story becomes violent very quickly. Click to buy Untrustworthy on Amazon

Untrustworthy Takeaways

Without giving away more of the plot, I think the story is okay but the truth is, I have written better since then.

However, I feel it is a great first effort for publication. Furthermore, I feel it works in some ways to get me into the publishing game, but then what?

I feel the book had pretty good promotions but not great promotions. I know it has more reviews than a lot of other indie works, but not as many as others. Sales come few and far between.

And, I can lay a lot of the blame for lackluster sales on myself. I needed to be more proactive.

In the meantime, I write about different things.

Can Untrustworthy serve as an entrée for diverse works such as the space opera of The Enigman Cave, the science fiction detective stories in The Obolonk Murders and its successor series, the Victorian urban fantasy of The Real Hub of the Universe and its two sequels?

Or the odd science fiction dystopia of Mettle? Or the fictional coming of age story/memoir of The Duck in the Seat Cushion?

Stay tuned, and I thank you, as always, for your kind and unwavering support. I appreciate you every single day.

Untrustworthy has been good to me. But it is tough to make it a hashtag! #amreviewing


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Character Review — Marnie Shapiro

Consider Marnie Shapiro, One of My Original Characters

Who is Marnie Shapiro?

The main character of The Enigman Cave went through a lot of changes. But that makes sense, as the story itself has been through a number of alterations as well.

I originally conceived of Marnie as being a person who was kind of in the midst of a crisis. She was to be getting a divorce while on a deep space mission. And that’s an idea I may very well work with at some later date. I think it’s kinda cool. And there is no question in mind that this would be a story worth exploring. Yet I didn’t write it. I did kind of mean to, though.

But then things got … a little different.

Where Did Marnie Shapiro Come From?

First of all, I was at first going to name this character Marnie Chase. But then she just plain didn’t “feel” like a Chase. I don’t know. But no matter how I felt, it didn’t seem suitable for the character. And so her name was changed.

This was to be my NaNoWriMo story for 2015, and I had to change the name of the main character? As it happened, I ended up changing Josie James’s name as well. Sometimes, you don’t get it right the first time.

And … the character won’t come alive until you do. It’s as if they’re standing there, hands on hips, shaking their head—sheesh, she still can’t get this stuff right? 

So, she’s Marnie Chase Shapiro, I suppose.

The Past is Prologue — Backstory for Marnie Shapiro

Marne’s past is told in a few little dribs and drabs in the manuscript. Her marriage to Dr. Ben Chase (he’s a botanist)? As I wrote in the book (chapter 4—and it’s so much exposition that I will likely have to edit out a good chunk of it, anyway):

They had met years before, as young adults, and had fallen in love, kind of, even though they were both emotionally unavailable. It was a marriage of intellectual equals who sparred as much as they had sex and generally admired each other’s brains more than other body parts. Even Marnie’s own brother had said they seemed to be the kind of couple that coexisted, parallel lines never truly intersecting.

But there’s more. As essentially a power couple, the brass want both of them for deep space missions. If not for Ben, it’s possible Marnie would not have been brought in. The brass wanted the people going into space to be young, attractive, athletic, and personable. Marnie’s far from young or athletic. And she doesn’t suffer fools gladly. So, in a lot of ways she owes Ben her position. But he’s still a jackass to her.

Deep Space Training School

Marnie attends Deep Space Training School, along with a number of captain and first officer candidates. This includes the woman who becomes her first officer, Trixie LaRue.

There was one person in their class getting straight A’s—and since they only saw posted grades with no names, there’s no way to know who it was. But at graduation, the powers that be reveal everyone in grade order, starting with the bottom of the class.

Trixie herself ends up in the top ten, but she’s commissioned as a first officer, due to personality issues. The last two people called are Bill Levinson and Marnie. And, the valedictorian position goes to Marnie, who must deliver a speech with no preparation whatsoever. It’s a bit of passive-aggressive nastiness from the powers that be.

It’s evident that, deep down, they just plain don’t like her.

This is a taste, for Marnie, of things to come.

Description

Marnie is in her fifties, a bottle blonde who’s holding onto a few extra pounds. Her poor diet and exercise regimen, plus stress, have caused her meniscus (that’s cartilage in the knee) to fail. She is, as people used to say, A Woman of a Certain Age.

I go back and forth for an actress approximation of her. Maybe Elisabeth Shue?

But the most important thing about her is that she’s really in her fifties and she really looks and talks and acts that way. So, I can’t see her in the guise of a somewhat younger actress with aging makeup. Nope. I want the real thing.

After all, that’s exactly what Marnie would want, too.

Purpose/Theme/Motivation

Marnie’s main motivator is a desire for justice. For someone unfairly overlooked and underestimated, the concept of wanting to protect the weak and keep the crew from harm feels like a natural internal motivator. Also—at the time—I had a meniscus tear, and I hobbled around a lot like Marnie does. So, we have that in common.

In fact, a lot of my main characters have gotten whatever ailment I had at the moment. Marnie, if she were real, would be happy that she’s not Josie.

Quotes

While trying to prove Enigman intelligence, the hearing is also an occasion to get a covert message back to Earth. Here’s part of it.

“Carter is threatening all of us. We don’t even know if what he’s saying is true. But if those detention camps exist, then I implore you, I beg of you, I hope you will do the right thing. Find those places. Please. We are years away from Earth, even at top speed. Please, please find those places, and tear down their gates, and free those people. I know you can do it. Please don’t be afraid of Carter. These things happen because good people like you are afraid to stand up for what’s right. But I know you; you’re good and brave people. You won’t let him push anyone around.”

Relationships

Like many characters, one way to get insight into Marnie is to inspect her relationships with the other characters.

Marnie and Ben

Marnie has to deal with her ex-husband, Ben, because he runs the Botany Department, and he reports directly to her. Ben annoys Marnie incessantly, in particular insisting on referring to her by her full name, Mariana. But that’s all a part of how such a narcissist would hold her at arm’s length.

Still, they have to deal with each other. But for the most part, they stay out of each others’ hair. Much more problematic for Marnie is that Ben is engaged to Nurse Kristen Watson, a woman he cheated on Marnie with, while they were all in the middle of the mission. Kristen is young, pretty, and bubbly. Little Miss Sunshine is everything Marnie is not.

Marnie and Trixie and Jazminder

One fantastic (if I do say so myself) part of The Enigman Cave is the female friendships. The book passes the Bechdel test, and blows it away, in the first chapter alone. The three women at the heart of the story and their ship, the Valentina Tereshkova, are almost Kirk, Bones, and Spock. Except the doctor (Jazminder) is a bit more like Spock. But no matter.

Trixie and Marnie meet in Deep Space Training school, where they give Marnie’s roommate, Missy Mahoney, a hard time. This includes juvenile pranks like short sheeting her bed. When it comes time to tell the powers that be who they want to work with, they both pick only one person—each other.

Jazzie comes in later. Of course, any spaceship will have to have a doctor. From a posh suburb of Hyderabad, educated in England, Jazzie has an accent plummier than a Christmas pudding. She’s also a lesbian, and she drinks.

But in the first chapter, one of the first scenes is of the three of them getting drunk in Marnie’s quarters. They laugh, they joke, they get serious, and they behave exactly like three old friends should act.

Marnie and Lex

As the assistant veterinarian on board, Lex isn’t exactly at the top of the heap. But this is helpful, because he doesn’t report directly to Marnie. Hence, their relationship can go ahead. Unlike with Ben, Marnie can open up to Lex, and he will listen to her without judgment. Their fellowship is the kind of friendship/love affair that has every indication of going the distance.

He’s also 25 years younger than her—and good-looking.

Is he wish-fulfillment for me? Not really; I’m happily married and all. But I do love the idea of the semi-ugly duckling (as it were) getting the swan. Fortunately for Marnie, Lex is not just a pretty face. He is truly devoted to her, and he’s kind.

Conflict and Turning Point

Without giving away too many spoilers, Marnie’s conflict is the story’s—when the crew finds the first sapient life outside of Earth, it’s a cause for celebration. But that quickly devolves into worry, as the government at home collapses into a dictatorship.

The first of two shining moments for Marnie is the scene above, where she devises a way to do an end-run around the nasty commands they’re getting from the new dictator, Monroe Carter, who fancies himself a latter day Cortez.

And the other shining moment is first contact. An exciting plot point for pretty much any space opera, Marnie’s solution for how to talk to the life form they’ve found is to do something extremely female. And it is an utterly maternal thing to do, even though Marnie doesn’t have children.

It’s not treaties or speeches, and it’s certainly not a show of arms and force. Rather, it is completely, 100% peaceful in intent and act.

Marnie’s solution is to sit down and tell them a story.

Continuity/Easter Eggs

Like other characters named Shapiro, Marnie is a callback across universes. Her middle name, Robin, even ties in with Robin McKenna, a pivotal character in the Time Addicts series. Marnie is also a Bostonian, although I don’t outline that well enough.

Future Plans for Marnie Shapiro

The end of the story allows for the possibility of a sequel, if there’s interest.

I am also planning on writing a prequel, which will most likely cover Marnie and Trixie at Deep Space Training School. That will be as a part of NaNoWriMo in either 2023 or 2024.

Marnie Shapiro: Takeaways

For a person who many would overlook, Marnie is the heroine of her own story. Her imperfections and quirks add interest, and she is the kind of character who can believably make a speech like the quote above.

Bet on Marnie.

Never bet against Marnie Shapiro — a character who exceeds expectations.


Want More of Marnie Shapiro and the Rest of The Enigman Cave?

If The Enigman Cave resonates with you, then check out my other articles about how our society handles first contact with a species that may be as primitive as Australopithecus.

Character Reviews: The Enigman Cave

Marnie Shapiro
Trixie LaRue
Jazminder Parikh, MD
Lex Feldman
Benjamin Chase
The Enigman Cave Universe
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Writing Progress Report – First Quarter 2022

Progress Report –First Quarter 2022

How was First Quarter 2022 for writing? So I spent first quarter 2022 writing, working, editing, and trying to get more organized.

First Quarter 2022 Posted Works

First of all, I worked on finishing the NaNo project from 2021.

Then on Wattpad I posted on the WattNaNo profile and the Star Trek Fans profile, and nowhere else.

Milestones

Also, I have written over two and a half million words (fan fiction and wholly original fiction combined). So right now my stats on Wattpad for wholly original works are as follows:

• Dinosaurs – 37 reads, 9 comments
† How to NaNoWriMo – 23,475 reads, 320 comments
• My Favorite Things (like kibble) – 974 reads, 133 comments
Revved Up – 59,350 reads, 530 comments
• Side By Side – 17 reads, 1 comments
† Social Media Guide for Wattpad – 14, 720 reads, 591 comments
• The Canadian Caper – 493 reads, 37 comments
The Dish – 250 reads, 24 comments
• There is a Road – 189 reads, 28 comments
† WattNaNo’s Top Picks 2018 – 1,870 reads, 45 comments
• WattNaNo’s Top Picks 2019 – 1,630 reads, 10 comments
† What Now? – 2,500 reads, 104 comments

More Published Works

Also, I am amassing quite the collection of published works!

Untrustworthy, which is my first published novel. So yay!

A True Believer in Skepticism, published in Mythic Magazine.

Almost Shipwrecked, a story in the January 2019 edition of Empyreome, a site which unfortunately is no more.

Canaries, a short story in the March 29, 2019, edition of Theme of Absence.

Complications, a story in the Queer Sci Fi Discovery anthology. So this is an anthology where the proceeds went to supporting the QSF website.

Cynthia and Wilder Bloom, stories in the Longest Night Watch II anthology.

Props, a story in the Longest Night Watch I anthology. So this is an anthology where the proceeds go to Alzheimer’s research.

Surprises, a story in Book One of the 42 and Beyond Anthology set.

The Boy in the Band, a story in the Pride Park anthology. So this is an anthology where the proceeds go to the Trevor Project.

The Interview, the featured story in the December 14, 2018 edition of Theme of Absence. So they even interviewed me!

The Last Patient, a story in the Stardust, Always anthology. This was an anthology where the proceeds go to cancer research.

The Resurrection of Ditte, a story in the Unrealpolitik anthology.

This is My Child, a short story published in the April 8, 2019 edition of Asymmetry Fiction, another site which is no more.

Three Minutes Back in Time, a short story published in Mythic Magazine.

Killing Us Softly, a short story published in Corner Bar Magazine.

Darkness into Light, a short story published in Corner Bar Magazine.

WIP Corner

So my current WIPs are as follows:

The Obolonk Murders Trilogy – so this one is all about a tripartite society. But who’s killing the aliens?

The Enigman Cave – can we find life on another planet and not screw it up? You know, like we do everything else?

The Real Hub of the Universe Trilogy – the aliens who live among us in the 1870s and 1880s are at war. But why is that?

Mettle – so it’s all about how society goes to hell in a hand basket when the metals of the periodic table start to disappear. But then what? Currently editing this one and getting people to beta read it.

Time Addicts – No One is Safe – so this one is all about what happens in the future when time travel becomes possible via narcotic.

Time Addicts – Nothing is Permanent – this is the second in this trilogy. What happens when time is tampered with and manipulated in all sorts of ways? It’s the ultimate in gaslighting, for one thing.

Time Addicts – Everything is Up For Grabs – finally finished this one, from November 2021. What happens when the timelines change every day, and sometimes more than once per day? Chaos reigns as Josie, Dalton, Carmen, Keisha, and the others have to unravel what’s happening and defeat a force known only as Zero.

Prep Work

So currently, my intention, for this year’s NaNoWriMo, is that I a will start writing the third trilogy in the Time Addicts/Obolonks universe. But I need to iron out the plot! So a lot of this year will be spent on that. I have no name for this one yet. And, I may just write a prequel about the Obolonks first landing. This is to create a reader magnet.

First Quarter 2022 Queries and Submissions

So here’s how that’s been going during First Quarter 2022.

In Progress

As of First Quarter 2022, the following are still in the running for publishing:

This list is the name of the story and then the name of the potential publisher.

• I Used to Be Happy – Gemini Magazine
† Justice – Adbusters
• Mettle – RAB
† Soul Rentals ‘R’ Us – A Thousand One Stories
• Who Do We Blame for This? – Sonder Review

All Other Statuses as of First Quarter 2022

So be sure to see the Stats section for some details on any query statuses for First Quarter 2022 which were not in progress.

Stats

So, in 2018, my querying stats were:

† 68 submissions of 19 stories
• Acceptances: 4, 5.88%
† In Progress-Under Consideration: 3, 4.41% (so, these don’t seem to have panned out)
• In Progress: 10, 14.71%
† Rejected-Personal: 14, 20.59%
• Rejected-Form: 24, 35.29%
† Ghosted: 13 (so, these were submissions where I never found out what happened), 19.12%

So, in 2019 my querying stats were:

• 23 submissions of 11 stories (so, 6 submissions carry over from 2018)
† Acceptances: 4, 17.39%
• In Progress: 11 (so, this includes 2 holdovers from 2018), 47.83%
† Rejected-Personal: 4, 17.39%
• Rejected-Form: 3, 13.04,%
† Ghosted: 1 (so, these are submissions where I never found out what happened), 4.35%

2020 Stats

So, in 2020 my querying stats were:

• 37 submissions of 12 stories (so, 9 submissions carry over from 2019)
† Acceptances: 3, 8.11%
• In Progress: 7, 18.92%
† Rejected-Personal: 12, 32.43%
• Rejected-Form: 4, 10.81%
† Ghosted: 11 (so, these are submissions where I never found out what happened), 29.73%

2021 and 2022 Stats

So in 2021 and 2022, my querying stats were: 5 submissions of 5 stories (so, 5 submissions carried over from 2020); 100% Ghosted.

Yeah, it was like that.

It can be pretty discouraging and hard to go on when nothing new comes up which is positive. But, I am trying to start afresh.

This Quarter’s Productivity Killers

So it’s work, what else? I am working on a ton of things and since that is also writing, it can sometimes burn me out. It’s a safe bet to say that first quarter 2022 will not be the end of that.

Other first quarters, like in 2020 and 2021 had more querying. C’est la vie.

Onward to second quarter 2022.

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Giving Your LinkedIn Profile A Facelift

What’s this About Giving Your LinkedIn Profile A Facelift?

Dahling, you need a facelift! This post is a riff on an old article from Social Media Today: 6 Tips for giving your LinkedIn profile a facelift.

I liked this article and recognize that it was designed to be a straightforward beginner’s set of tips, but there is more that could be done. There usually is.

Use a Profile Photograph

I absolutely agree. I realize there are people who are shy or who feel that they don’t photograph well. But the truth is, most of us on LinkedIn don’t care.

Unless you are looking for a modeling or an acting gig, your appearance does not and should not matter. That is, so long as you are neat and presentable, and are in business attire. Head shots and  images up to about the middle of your chest are best. You don’t need a full-length body shot.

I also think that keeping a picture off your profile because you don’t want to reveal your race, gender or age is somewhat wrongheaded. After all, what are you going to do if you actually get an interview with a company (and not necessarily directly through LinkedIn)?

Send a proxy in your stead, a la Cyrano de Bergerac? That’s kinda silly, dontcha think?

As for me, people online are going to figure out that I am female, they will get a pretty good handle on my age and my religion and if they look a bit, they’ll even see pictures of me when I weighed nearly 350 pounds. And I embrace those things and don’t try to hide them. Your ideas may differ, but I don’t, personally, see the value in hiding such things.

And if an employer is going to pass me by because I’m no longer 21, or not Asian, or too short or whatever, then I don’t want to work for that employer, anyway. And… that’s probably illegal, anyway.

Use a Vanity URL

On LinkedIn, you can get them to make you a specific URL for your profile, rather than just accept the computer-generated one. Not surprisingly, I think this is a great idea. This happens to be mine. You can get a bit of an SEO bounce if you use a vanity URL. It is easy and it is free, and it is considerably more memorable.

Plus, if you wish, it’s a good thing to put on a business card or a resume, or even into a signature line in email.

For a Facelift, Use a Headline

Personally, I find these weird, but that may be just me. For me, just my job title seems to be fine, as it evokes (currently) not only what I do but the industry I am in right now. I’ve always, personally, found that titles like Terrific Social Media Manager or Experienced Fry Cook just seem odd. But that may be me.

Try it—but I’d recommend doing so as a more or less controlled experiment. If it’s not working after, say, six months, I recommend rethinking it.

Update Your Email Settings

If you’re open to receiving job openings, make sure that your profile says so. And if not, make sure you say that instead. People won’t necessarily follow your requirements in this area, but some will. And it can serve as an indirect means of indicating you might be interested in making a move if the timing and the circumstances were right.

Make Your Profile Public

Personally, I think that the only time your profile should be private is in the first five seconds after you’ve created it. Then again, I have had an online persona since 1997, and find it easy to share a lot of things.

Of course not everyone feels this way, but it seems to be kind of useless to have a LinkedIn profile if you don’t want to share it with anyone. Networking, which is what LinkedIn is all about, is, in part, about going outside your comfort zone and meeting new people. This is not like Facebook where, potentially, the pictures of you drinking in 1963 could come back to haunt you.

This is a gathering of professionals. Any employer upset if you have an online presence on LinkedIn is not only not with the times. They are being thoroughly unrealistic. Employees look for better opportunities all the time. Wise employers recognize and accept that. Denying someone access to LinkedIn, or being upset by an employee’s presence therein, is misplaced.

So go out there and fix your profile! And give it a facelift!


Want More About the Conquest of LinkedIn?

If my experiences with LinkedIn resonate with you, then check out my other articles about the largest networking site on the planet.

What LinkedIn Has to Offer

Your Profile Page
Your Resume
Meeting Offline
Your Network
Giving Your LinkedIn Profile A Facelift
Last Little Bits
InMaps – Visualize Your Network on LinkedIn

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Character Review — Elise Jeffries, MD

Consider Elise Jeffries, One of My Original Characters

Who is Elise Jeffries?

She sprang, semi-formed, when I was first starting to put together Mettle. I needed for Noah to have a bounce-off person. I also needed to have at least one medical character.

Elise became a runner while I was writing Mettle. That was not my initial idea for her. And so, since I didn’t have a surname for her then, I gave her the last name of a friend who is a marathon runner.

Where Did Elise Jeffries Come From?

By the time I started to put together Mettle, I had already written snarky characters like Peri Martin, Greg Shapiro, and Trixie LaRue.

I had also written LGBTQ+ characters, most notably Ixalla and Tathrelle, in Untrustworthy. So, Elise wasn’t a wholly unfamiliar idea. But her execution was different. In particular, I saw her as being mixed-race but essentially identifying as Black.

The Past is Prologue — Backstory for Elise Jeffries

In Chapter 11 – Sb, Elise reveals that she and Noah have known each other for almost twenty years. That book was written before the pandemic, and originally took place in 2020. Hence they would have met in about 2000 or 2001.

Apart from her divorce from her wife, there’s virtually nothing on Elise’s history. Although I don’t see her as a native New Englander. So, she came from somewhere or other.

Descriptions

My first description of Elise is from Chapter 2 – Ti:

… a dark-skinned woman in her early fifties already seated at the table. Her curly hair sprang in all directions, barely contained by a red bandanna which accessorized a lab coat that had Suffolk County Morgue, E. Jeffries embroidered on the breast pocket.

So, she didn’t have a lot of description, and I don’t believe I ever really rectified that in the book.

For an actress who I would use as inspiration, I originally thought of Angela Bassett. But after seeing Star Trek: Picard, it was Michele Hurd all the way.

Michele Hurd in PicardShe has a good mix of snark and smarts, and feels like she could play a character who swears pretty much nonstop, but is also, most of the time, the smartest person in the room.

Quotes

“But what? Craig, in case you hadn’t noticed, the world is ending or just about there and we are totally isolated and that’s about the best way to describe our situation. We don’t even know if there’s anyone else out there at all when you really think about it. We’ve seen no one else in months, and we sure as hell haven’t heard anyone. So maybe wrap your head around the concept that you should cut one of the last women on Earth a little slack, particularly seeing as you’re not Prince Charming yourself. Go and grab the little gusto you can because God only knows how long we’re gonna be able to sustain this.” (Mettle, Chapter 21 — Nb)

Relationships

Offscreen, Elise is a divorcée, already estranged from her ex-wife, Tony, for a few years when Mettle starts. She and Noah Braverman are extremely good friends. Noah has an idea that he would like more. But Elise is unsure. She doesn’t want to mess up an excellent friendship.

By the time Mettle ends, she still isn’t in a romantic relationship.

Conflict and Turning Point

Much like for the rest of the cast of Mettle, the conflict is a slow burn of how the world is ending as the metals of the period table start to disappear or undergo a transformation.

And, for the rest of the cast, the turning point is the same: the chapter where a vital metallic element starts to transform into … something.

Continuity/Easter Eggs

Much of the book takes place on the real street I live on (the street names have been changed). Elise’s home is an illegal apartment inside an old Victorian which was probably a boarding house at one time. The exterior is a house around the corner which is up an enormous, steep hill.

And the interior ground floor matches the ground floor of a house my husband and I looked at before we bought our home. That building is around the other corner from our home. As for the inside of Elise’s apartment, it’s fairly generic.

Finally, because Elise is a snarky professional woman, I can trace some of her origins back to Marnie Shapiro and even Peri Martin. All three of them could easily spout sarcasm 24/7.

Future Plans

Unfortunately, I don’t have any future plans for her because there are no future plans for any of the characters in Mettle, a one-off. But I like the character, so maybe I’ll give her a backstory one of these days.

Elise Jeffries: Takeaways

This smart, sarcastic character also loves fiercely. She was a lot of fun to bring to life.

Elise Jeffries — because doesn’t your story need a smartass?


Want More of Elise and the Rest of Mettle?

If Mettle resonates with you, then check out my other articles about how changes in the periodic table nearly kill us all.

Character Reviews: Mettle

Eleanor Braverman
Noah Braverman
Craig Firenze
Dez Hunter
Dr. Elise Jeffries
Minka Lopez
Nell Murphy
Olga Nicolaev
Dr. Mei-Lin Quan
The Mettle Universe
Self Review: Mettle

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PitMad on Twitter

he Late, Lamented PitMad on Twitter

Oh PitMad, why hast thou forsaken us?

Sadly, I am here to report that PitMad is no more.

So had you ever seen the #PitMad hashtag on Twitter? But, why should you have cared about PitMad?

So, let’s take a look at what PitMad was.

What was #PitMad?

PitMad was a quarterly pitch session on Twitter. So essentially what you would be doing was tweeting about your work. But it was only on specific dates, and agents and publishers were watching.

In addition, it only happened in March, June, September, and December.

It was a great idea. Agents and publishers would essentially scour the Twittersphere, searching for anyone using the hashtag. And, preferably, also using a genre hashtag or two. If an agent liked your pitch, then that was an invitation to query, or at least pitch a bit more.

Your friends could rally around you and offer their support by retweeting your tweets—but liking them was considered to be a faux pas.

When it was still going on, I would dive deep into hashtag and search for people who had not been retweeted much, if at all. And I would retweet them, either with words of encouragement or a comment about how interesting their premise sounded.

And if it were to return, I would do the same. Other writers aren’t my competition. After all, how many books do you have in your home or on your phone or e-reader?

How many are in the library? Your book most likely won’t knock mine out of any of those places. And mine won’t do that to yours, either.

Getting Ready With PitMad Hashtags

So you could do yourself a favor, and create your tweets in advance. As in, today.

The idea was to know what to tweet. And you wanted to be able to fit both the #PitMad hashtag into your tweet, but also the hashtag specific to your genre. So, according to Sub It Club and Brenda Drake, the hashtags were as follows:

Main Hashtags for PitMad

† #AC – Action
• #AD – Adventure
† #BIZ – Bizarro Fiction
• #CON – Contemporary
† #CR – Contemporary Romance
• #E – Erotica
† #ER – Erotic Romance
• #ES – Erotica Suspense
† #F – Fantasy
• #FTA = Fairy Tale Retelling
† #GN = Graphic Novel
• #H – Horror
† #HA – Humor
• #HF – Historical Fiction
† #HR – Historical Romance
• #INSP – Inspirational
† #LF – Literary Fiction

• #M – Mystery
† #MA = Mainstream
• #Mem – Memoir
† #MR – Magical Realism
• #NF – Non-fiction
† #P – Paranormal
• #PR – Paranormal Romance
† #R – Romance
• #RS – Romantic Suspense
† #S – Suspense
• #SF – SciFi
† #SFF – Science Fiction & Fantasy
• #SH = Superhero
† #SHRT = Short Story Collection
• #SPF = Speculative Fiction
† #STEM = Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics
• #T – Thriller
† #TT = Time Travel
• #UF – Urban Fantasy
† #VF = Visionary Fiction
• #W – Westerns
† #WF – Women’s Fiction

Age Categories

So, per the Pitmad site, you had to use an age category. And here they were:

• #A – Adult
† #C – Children’s
• #CB – Chapter Book
† #MG – Middle Grade
• #NA – New Adult
† #PB – Picture Book (this is the youngest age category)
• #YA – Young Adult

Added Hashtags (Optional)

† #DIS = Disability subject matter
• #IMM = Immigrant
† #IRMC = Interracial/Multicultural subject matter
• #LGBT = LGBTQIA+ subject matter
† #MH = Mental Health subject matter
• #ND = Neurodiverse subject matter
† #OWN = Own Voices
• #POC = Author is a Person of Color

Older Hashtags

† #AA – African American (might not be used anymore?)
• #CF – Christian Fiction (might not be used anymore?)

So there did not seem to be particular hashtags for Zombies or Vampires or the like.

What Were The Rules?

Per Ms. Drake and PitchWars (run by the same people), the rules were:

† You could only pitch complete, polished manuscripts. This meant, no works in progress were allowed!
• So, you couldn’t pitch anything already published, no matter how many changes had been made to it.
† You had to keep the feed clear, so you were not supposed to favorite your friends’ pitches. But you could always retweet and even add commentary to the original post with the #PitMad hashtag.
• Also, you were not supposed to tweet agents or publishers unless they tweeted you first.
† Plus you had to be courteous and professional, of course.

• In addition, if you couldn’t be there, you could use HootSuite or TweetDeck to schedule your pitches.
† You could only pitch three times during a dedicated #PitMad day. And the tweets had to differ somehow, even if it was just a difference of a period.
• But if you had more than one MS to pitch, you would get three tweets per MS.
† Finally, if you were invited to submit a manuscript, you had to be sure to put PitMad Request: TITLE in the subject line of your email when sending your request. Plus, of course, you had to follow all other submission guidelines for the requestor.

What was the Schedule?

It was March, June, September, and December. Also, the times were 8 AM – 8 PM, Eastern Time.

For 2021, the dates were:

• March 4
† June 3
• September 2 (hey, that’s my birthday!)
† December 2

Note: all of these were Thursdays.

Pitmad: Takeaways

So, I am keeping the hashtags in this post because they are still useful on Twitter. Publishers and agents are still there—they’re just not running under the auspices of PitMad anymore.

All in all, there are still many agents and publishers out there. Consequently, you need to get their attention!

So you’d better get crackin’!

And Now a Word About Twitter, in 2023

So, it’s probably just as well that Pitmad has gone to that great tweet in the sky, for Twitter itself is currently on the brink. Of course, that could change tomorrow. But right now, things look a little grim.

However, while there have been some alternatives (I’m looking at you, Post and Mastodon), they are a bit lacking for one reason or another. Mastodon has a ton of individual servers (a bit like Discord). But these seem to be silos.

How do you find all your friends? Post seems just to be so new and not very big yet.

Bluesky, though, is looking quite promising indeed!

So, even if PitMad were to be resurrected, those platforms aren’t necessarily the best new home for it. Perhaps they will be in time. But right now, despite its clear current problems, Twitter still has its place.

But don’t count out Bluesky.


Want More About Twitter AKA X?

If my experiences with X resonate with you, then check out my other articles about Twitter/X. While it’s now got a new name, and has changed considerably, a lot of these tips will still work—and often with other social media platforms as well.

Almost Everything But the Tweet

Starting a Twitter Stream
Demystifying Twitter
Twitter, Social Media and Professionalism
Conquering Twitter (verbal elements)
Conquering Twitter (visual elements)
Optimizing Twitter
Conquering Twitter (metrics and timing)
Conquering Twitter (offsite connections)
Getting More Twitter Followers

And, if you’re a fellow writer, you may want to check out:
PitMad on Twitter

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Dialogue Tags — How to Use them the Right Way

“It’s time,” I said, “to talk about dialogue tags.”

What are dialogue tags? Why do they matter? For anyone who writes fiction—and even for a lot of people who write nonfiction—inevitably, a character says something or other.

Yes, yes, I know about picture books. But I’m not talking about them here. They are a rather small subset of the writing experience. And virtually ever other genre is 100% filled with books where there is at least one line of dialogue.

Oh, and if you’re here for social media advice, sorry! This one’s only for writers. Unless dialogue tags float your boat. #NotJudging

What are Dialogue Tags, Anyway?

So, what is it that I’m writing about?

These are the bits of written speech where a person is designated as being the speaker.

Er, what?

“I like cheese,” she said.

Over there ↑, that she said part? That is a dialogue tag.

So, can we pack up this blog post and go home now?

Not yet.

Because this tends to be a very misused part of the writing experience.

It also tends to be a missed opportunity (and yeah, I’ve messed these up, so I feel your pain).

Punctuation

Let’s start here. Get to know and love the humble comma (,). Because it is about to be nearly a 100% go-to for you, when it comes to writing dialogue tags.

However, I must give you one enormous caveat: British, Canadian, Australian, and other non-US English-speaking countries tend to treat punctuation differently from Americans. Neither one is specifically ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. All I can tell you is: pick one style, and stick with it.

Nearly always, these tags are married to at least one comma and often one period as well.

Let’s return to our thrilling example:

“I like cheese,” she said.

See that comma before the closing quotation mark? That sucker there is mandatory. Yeah, you’ve gotta use it, too.

But, but the speaker has made a complete statement. Shouldn’t there be a period there instead? Nope! The period, in this instance, comes after the tag. I’ll get to placement in a moment.

Just know that, nearly always, commas and dialogue tags are the literary equivalent of peanut butter and jelly.

Exceptions

There are not too many. One is body language attributions, which I will also get to later. But another is the incomplete or interrupted sentence. Such as:

“I like—” she said.

Now, can you use an ellipsis (…) instead of an emdash (—)? Eh, maybe. But I like the emdash, and I feel it looks cleaner. I’m not the only one.

And, apart from looking cleaner, it is very easy to become what is essentially an emdash addict. FYI, this is a longer dash than the one which MS Word gives you if you toss a hyphen between two spaces, or you smash two hyphens together (those are endashes).

You can make it by typing alt-0151. And if you ever need to make the shorter endash, that’s just alt-0150. Technically, the endash is used for a range of numbers or dates.

So, if you’re interrupting speech, either with an aside, or action, or other dialogue, you can use an emdash.

Examples

Here’s one (interrupted speech):

“I like—” she said.

Here’s another (interruption with other dialogue):

“I like—”

“You like everything.”

And here’s a third (speech interrupts the action):

She opened the fridge door— “I like cheese”—and all the dairy promptly fell out and onto the kitchen floor.

But again—for the cheap seats (see how easy it is to get addicted to emdashes? I need help)—almost always, you’ll use a comma.

Toss Your Dialogue Tags Up Front and Introduce the Speaker Immediately

There are three separate places where you can put dialogue tags. The beginning, middle, or the end. And no, I am not being facetious here. So, let’s start at the, well, the start.

She said, “I like cheese.”

There ya go. As with nearly any initial letter in a sentence, the s in she is capitalized. Then, after the verb comes the comma. And then, the quotation marks and your glorious sentence of speech.

Mary said, “I like cheese.”

Immediately, we know the speaker.

But try not to use this construction:

Said Mary, “I like cheese.”

That is, unless you’re trying to imitate more archaic forms of writing. To most of us, it sounds and looks wrong (even though, technically, it’s okay). Avoid this and you won’t trip up your readers.

Let’s move further into the sentence.

Middle Placement—and How it Can Help You Avoid Emdashes and Other Interruptions

Heh. But seriously, folks, the overuse of anything in fiction is not a good idea. So, how do you interrupt speech with dialogue tags? By shoveling them into the middle, of course!

“I like cheese,” she said, “and I also like lettuce.”

If the speech was all together, then it would look like this:

“I like cheese, and I also like lettuce.”

This speech is a compound sentence, which means it’s just two separate, complete thoughts, bound together by a comma, which is directly followed by a conjunction (fan, and, nor, but, or, yet, so are the big ones. And yes, the acronym is fanboys).

You can use this method for two separate sentences, too.

“I like cheese,” she said. “I also like lettuce.”

Whoa! Wait a second. There’s a period there.

Well, of course there is. Because if the speech was kept together, it would look like this:

“I like cheese. I also like lettuce.”

No comma, no conjunction? Then in this instance, it’s just a pair of simple sentences. Hence the dialogue tag picks up the period.

Tossing dialogue tags in the middle is one way to create a level of drama, because the reader naturally pauses (this is also why so many of us love emdashes, but I digress).

Middle placement is also great when someone talks for a long time. Lots and lots of speaking in one shot can be harder to read. Hence, adding dialogue tags in the center gives the reader a break.

Caboose Dialogue Tags—Save ’em for the Bitter End

This is a very common usage. Now, our speech reads:

“I like cheese,” Mary said.

Or

“I like cheese,” said Mary.

Either is fine. You can mix those up until the cows come home.

There is one disadvantage to this. Unless the reader can immediately infer who’s speaking, they might start reading, thinking it’s John who’s talking. But then they get to the end and, oops, it’s really Mary declaring her love of dairy products.

I wouldn’t recommend putting dialogue tags at the end of very long speeches, either. It helps the reader out a lot more for the speech to either be interrupted by a tag or at least introduced by one.

No Dialogue Tags? No Problem!

Tired of using them? It’s okay. There are times when you can avoid them entirely.

If you’re good at differentiating your speakers, then at least some of your speech can go without dialogue tags.

“Mary, you’re being selfish, hogging all the cheese.”

“No, John, you will never come between me and my dairy addiction.”

“But sweetie, I was saving that cheese for our anniversary.”

Or whatever (this example has taken a turn, eh?).

But people don’t normally say each others’ names that often in realistic speech. Still, if you can make the speaker obvious, you can probably scotch a few dialogue tags. One way to do so is with what they say. Another is with how they say it.

Maybe John is from the sticks and has a thick accent.

“But sweetie, I was savin’ that thar cheese for our anniversary.”

But beware: overdoing accents and dropping letters and using dialect will not endear you to your readers.

Let’s have Mary tell us she’s speaking without using a tag or saying John’s name:

“No, you will never come between me and my dairy addiction. I’ve craved it throughout my pregnancy.”

Or

“… ever since I was in Girl Scouts.”

If you prefer.

I would also caution you: no matter how fabulously unique your characters’ speech patterns are, don’t lose all the dialogue tags. That way, readers won’t lose their place.

Body Language Attributions Instead of Dialogue Tags

Er, what?

A body language attribution is when you toss out said and go with an action instead.

“I like cheese.” Mary winked at the cheesemonger, and hitched up her skirt.

Or:

John threw the brie across the room. “How ya like your cheese now?”

Or:

“We’ve got a lovely camembert.” Dave the cheesemonger glanced around. “Are you sure your husband didn’t follow you into the shop?”

Showing Over Telling with BLAs (Body Language Attributions)

Using BLAs is directly related to showing versus telling. Mary’s flirtatious. We can tell this immediately from her wink and her flashing a little leg. John’s angry. We can tell this because he threw the cheese and then the follow-up line reads as angry sarcasm.

Dave’s nervous. His looking around isn’t enough to tell us that. But the second half of his dialogue makes his jitters a lot clearer to the reader.

BLAs add interest to a story, and they work as a supplement to standard dialogue tags.

Mary smiled, but there was lipstick on her teeth. “I got to the shop as fast as I could. Do you think John followed me?”

What does the lipstick on Mary’s teeth mean? Maybe she was in a rush, which she says in her speech. Or she could also be nervous, which the second line of speech tells us.

“Just how tall did you say your husband is?” Dave wiped the sweat from his brow.

Now Dave’s not just nervous. He’s scared, too.

John paced around the room. “Where did Mary go?” He punched the wall and gouged a hole in the cheap drywall.

John’s doing more than wondering. He is mad as hell. The brie might not be the only thing that goes flying. But without the BLAs, his question feels innocent and caring.

Now, let’s address something you may or may not have noticed—and don’t worry if you didn’t see it.

Say, Say, Say

For every one of these dialogue tags, I used a form of the verb to say. But, but—I hear you cry—that’s so boring!

dialogue tags

Fret not.

Boring is kinda the point.

Wait, what?

Repeat after me:

The dialogue tags are not as important as the dialogue.

Seriously.

Using to say (and its forms) is economical and unobtrusive. Here’s what happens when you don’t:

“I like cheese,” Mary breathed.

John hissed, “How ya like your cheese now?”

“We’ve got a lovely camembert,” Dave stated. “Are you sure your husband didn’t follow you into the shop?”

“Maybe,” Mary screeched.

Dave babbled, “I’m a dead man.”

“Yer darn tootin’,” announced John.

It’s too much, isn’t it? And if it doesn’t feel like too much, then feel free to grab my stellar—heh—prose and add several more lines of dialogue. And use a thesaurus to lard it up with a bunch of words that call far too much attention to themselves.

I know, I know, you love your SAT words. I’m a fan of them, too. But they’re a lot like habanero peppers. A few touches here and there are lovely. Too many, and you end up in the Emergency Room.

A little is enough.

Exceptions to Say

It wouldn’t be a rule if it didn’t have exceptions. To say will work about 85% of the time. What about the other 15%?

A good 10% of the overall should be forms of the verb to ask. Not inquire. Ask.

That last 5%? 4.5% should go to terms like whisper and shout (and many of shout’s synonyms, like yell, holler, and scream). These are useful because they do more than act as dialogue tags. They are also a form of body language attribution.

And that final .5%? Knock yourself out with your SAT words, if you like. You’ll probably find you don’t miss them much, or that they have a lot more power when they have a lot less volume.

“Where were you last night?” John demanded.

“N-nowhere,” Mary sobbed.

“She’s in love with me and my cheese,” Dave revealed.

Sprinkle, don’t shovel.

Dialogue Tags: Takeaways

Use a form of to say almost all the time, and use a form of to ask for any questioning. Anchor with a comma at the start or end, and with two commas (one on either side) if you’re putting dialogue tags in the middle of sentences or paragraphs. Break it up by varying where you put the tags, and even drop them altogether if the speaker’s identity is clear. Spice up your prose with body language attributions. Use alternative speech verbs sparingly.

Which Dialogue Tags to Use How often?
To say and its forms 85.00%
To ask and its forms 15.00%
Whisper and shout (and its synonyms) and their forms   4.50%
Other verbs    0.50%
TOTAL 100.00%

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make a grilled cheese sandwich.


Dialogue Tags—make them work for you!

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