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I review my own work all the time. But why? Isn’t editing enough? Welll, not quite.

Why Review, Ever?

Beyond standard editing, I think it is important to kind of see the forest amidst that big ole bunch o’ trees.

Editing, I feel, is more for the weeds and the trees. It is, in essence, the nitty gritty guts of a piece.

It’s selecting the word luggage instead of the word baggage, for example. I had to do this for The Real Heart of the Universe.

But reviewing, I feel, is a whole other ball of wax.

Here, I feel, there is a space to get a faraway, bird’s eye view of the piece.

Did the characters work? Did the plot move along well? And did the conclusion satisfy?

I feel that reviewing is also where I start to see the similarities in my works, even when a shared universe is not my intention.

A review is a good place to spot and to highlight Easter eggs in my work, as well.

When is the Best Time for Reviewing?

I would say the piece has to be more or less complete. But it does not have to have a bow on it or be published, etc. And I do not necessarily think that it even has to have gone to beta readers.

Do not hesitate! If you want to check your work in this particular fashion, then you have my blessing, for what it’s worth.

You do you.

What Does Reviewing Accomplish?

Probably the best part of this kind of an exercise is that it can be a great place to spot plot holes. And plot holes are essentially opportunities.

Consider your standard fan fiction writer, if you will.

The show or film or book has a fade to black for a love scene. But the fan ficcer wants to make it clearer as to exactly what happened. That fade to black is an ideal opportunity.

Now, of course it does not have to be about a love or a sex scene. But look for the gaps. You might just find a sequel or a prequel in them—and you would never know that unless you reviewed your work!

Self-Review – The Obolonk MurdersThe Obolonk Murders, The Polymer Beat, The Badge of Humanity, Peri Martin, Tommy 2000, Tommy 2K, Selkhet 3000, David Shepherd

Self-Review – The Obolonk Murders

Published by Janet Gershen-Siegel on October 12, 2021

Review – The Obolonk Murders

I started to write The Obolonk Murders several years ago (it was 2002, to be exact). But then later, I pulled it. But I loved the concept behind it. So, I dusted it off and it became a trilogy.

… and then it became the first trilogy of three planned trilogies.

Just like that universe’s society is tripartite, so are the three initial novels. So this, the first one, The Obolonk Murders, is devoted to the aliens, and the second work, The Polymer Beat, is dedicated to the semi-sapient and more than semi-sapient robots.

Hence the third is all about humans and its title is The Badge of Humanity.

The second and third novels also have somewhat punny titles, with both playing off the police props of badges and walking a beat. But the first title is just really straightforward. It may even end up as the title of the first trilogy. I don’t know.

Although if it does, then I will have to think up some other name for this story. Hmmm.

Background

The Obolonk Murders started off life as a completely seat of my pants story which I put online as postings. I had no plot, no plans, nothing. At the time, I wrote the first three chapters. And I then got stuck. I didn’t pick it up again until twelve whole years had gone by. No lie!

Plot

The relatively near future brings with it first contact from an exploring species. As a result, life changes.

Society breaks into three parts: humans, robots, and Obolonks. An Obolonk is an intersex alien (a little similar to the Untrustworthy aliens, the Cabossians), orange in color. They are of about equal intelligence to us, but with interstellar space travel and far longer lifespans.

The robots are of varying levels of sophistication. However, the most sophisticated are the creations of Dr. J. Carter Tinerrian.

But all is not as it seems, for this three-part society has cracks in its seams. Not everyone is so eager to embrace the new way of the world.

When the story opens, one of these more sapient robots is now the new partner to a human, Detective Sergeant Peri Martin, who needs to start solving the mystery of who is killing Obolonks.
Click to buy Untrustworthy on Amazon

Characters

The main character is Detective Sergeant Peri Martin.

Her main motivations are to find the perpetrators and to work with her new partner, Tommy McFarland. And, to get over her lost partner, Charlie Hollis.

The scenes shift from the New York Megalopolis to the Boston Megalopolis to Callisto and then back again. Other characters include a robot named Selkhet 3000, Dr. Tinerrian, and the head of the Obolonks, whose only name is They Say This is the One.

Other Obolonks have their own reputationally-based names, such as They Say This One Tiles Bathrooms Adequately. So, that disaffected Obolonk…

Er, sorry, #spoilers.

Memorable Quotes

“Through that door,” motioned the robot.

“Thanks,” Peri smiled the half-smile she usually used when addressing robots.

“Your gratitude is unnecessary. I am merely performing my function,” replied the robot before turning and gliding away.

The door slid open after Peri underwent the same security protocols as at the front door. “Ah, come in, come in! I’m J. Carter Tinerrian. This lovely woman is Selkhet and this is your new partner.” Dr. Tinerrian was a nerdy sort of a fellow. He indicated a man in a suit sitting at a desk. The seated man was maybe 40, 45, seemingly younger than 50-year-old Peri, with a bit of salt to his brown peppery hair, and hazel eyes that varied in shade. He was well-built, too, although his nose looked like it might have been broken some time in his youth.

“Hi, there,” said Peri, shaking hands with the doctor and Selkhet and making her way to the man at the desk. He failed to respond. “Is he deaf? The department’s relaxed almost all physical rules but I don’t think total deafness is one of them.”

“Oh, he’s not deaf. He just needs to be activated,” explained Selkhet. Then, addressing the robot, she commanded sharply, “Tommy 2000, it is time.”

“A robot?” Peri asked. The doctor nodded but said nothing. “What the —?”

Rating for the Obolonk Murders

The book has a T rating. There are no sex scenes and maybe one or two stray swear words. Rather, the real issues are the acts of terrorism. They are violent but the violence is mainly offscreen although the characters talk about it. Plus there’s the aftermath, which is not pretty.

The Obolonk Murders: Takeaways

The plot is … okay. I like the idea of cops and robbers in space, and in November 2019 for NaNoWriMo, I started writing a successor trilogy. Still, there are parts where this book could be better.

But I have to admit it. I have come a long, long way since I first started writing it. It could use more beta readers!

In the meantime, the best thing about the Obolonks is the world building. It is potentially the best-built world I have ever created. Hence the sequels. And there’s even a prequel! There is so much room in this universe!

Because the Obolonk murders are just the beginning…

Want More of This Tripartite Society?

If the story of the Obolonks resonates with you, then check out my other articles about how our society turns tripartite, with humans, robots, and Obolonks. And how such radical changes aren’t always so easy for people to accept.

Character Reviews: The Obolonk Murders

Humans
† Peri Martin
• Greg Shapiro
† Rachel Gifford

Robots
† Tommy 2000
• Selkhet 3000

Obolonks
† TSTITO

Character Reviews: Time Addicts

The Good Guys
• Josie James
† Carmen D’Angelo, MD
• Dalton Farouk
† Tad Lewis
• Cyndi Mendez
† Bobby Brodie
• Keisha Darnell
† Vera Travers

The Bad Guys
• Peter Ray
† Dae Ou Xiang
• Elston Young
† Corwin Zachary

The Obolonk Universe

Prequels

• The Dust Between Our Stars
† Eros vs Thanatos

Self-Reviews: Obolonk Trilogy

• The Obolonk Murders
† Self-Review: The Polymer Beat
• The Badge of Humanity

Self-Reviews: Time Addicts Trilogy

† No One is Safe
• Nothing is Permanent
† Everything is up for Grabs

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Self-Review – The Enigman CaveThe Enigman Cave, Enigman Universe, Bet on Marnie, Astrid Hennigsen,

Self-Review – The Enigman Cave

Published by Janet Gershen-Siegel on June 17, 2021

Review – The Enigman Cave

So, the first thing you should know is that the Enigman Cave has some of its roots in fan fiction. But I have changed a ton of it and I am more than confident that there’s no way any copyright could be asserted in this work that is not my own.

Background

So a few years ago, I had created a wholly original species called Witannen. They had flowers growing out of their scalps instead of hair, and the pure Witannen would sport little vestigial wings which couldn’t be used for much of anything. But the flowers, the chavecoi, would have a symbiotic relationship with a Witannen and could photosynthesize and prevent starvation.

At times, the flowers would even make almost a statement, where the character might be saying one thing, but the chavecoi were turning some odd color or pointing is some direction in direct contradiction. Hence, Witannen could not play poker successfully.

The Enigmans, however, were something else. Also, I wanted them to be a lot more primitive. However it wasn’t until I decided to make them similar to Australopithecines that they sprang into sharp focus.

Plot

Marnie and her crew on the Valentina Tereshkova have one job – to find multi-cellular life. They have already found tons of primordial soup and unicellular life. The galaxy seems to abound with it. Hence the opening line: Life is common.

I think it’s one of the better opening lines I’ve ever written.

Back at home, there is a world government. But they seem to have forgotten the Val and the other wedge ships (another 20+ are also looking for life but have gone in other directions). And no wonder, as the government is collapsing. When the Val finds the Enigmans, the new despotic government sees an opportunity to play at being Cortez 2.0.

Marnie feels her only hope of protecting the people of the Enigman Cave is to prove their intelligence. But how?

In the JAG Court.

Characters

The main character is Captain Marnie Shapiro, of the USS Valentina Tereshkova. Also, the other main characters include her first officer, Patricia LaRue, who she calls Trixie, which makes her sound like a dance hall girl. Trixie’s from London, Kentucky, with an accent right out of the holler.

The chief medical officer is Dr. Jazminder Parikh. At the start of the book, she and her girlfriend, Ginny Carey, have recently ended their relationship. Then there’s Marnie’s ex-husband, Ben Chase. Ben is the chief botanist aboard and he and his fiancée, nurse Kristen Watson, are about to be married. He also cheated on Marnie with Kristen.

So things are uncomfortable. But when Marnie meets the nighttime veterinarian, Lex Feldman, sparks fly. Nighttime vet, you ask? There are two vets, because the ship’s food stores are alive – goats, chickens, cod, and salmon. There’s even farming.

Day shift vet Tom Ciorciari is on the Bridge, because the Scientific Officer (I tried so hard to keep it from just copying Star Trek), Art Yarrow, is on paternity leave. Yes, it’s a ship with children, and even a mid-level officer in charge of them.

Plus the lawyers of the JAG Court are also important characters. The head of that unit is Hunter Garcia. The others are Terry Lynn Shull, Steve Roberts, Mike Medeiros, and Nick Minecci.

Also, lots of characters in The Enigman Cave are named after people I know.

The scenes take place either on board the Val or on the surface of Kepler 423-B, which they name Enigma.

Fun Fact About The Enigman Cave

I originally wanted to call this piece The Enigma Cave. And then I learned that title was already taken.

Ewps.

Memorable Quotes from The Enigman Cave

“Yes, Dr. Chase? The captain needs you here on the Bridge.”

And then in the background, there was Ben’s voice, whining and complaining, “I’m in the middle of an experiment.”

“Benjamin Chase!” Marnie yelled, her sudden increase in volume scaring everyone and breaking Tom out of his trance. “Get your ass over here. Now! Or I get somebody else to run Botany.”

“All right. But I blame you if this experiment goes to hell.” He cut the connection.

Tom looked back over his shoulder at Marnie. “What did we just find?”

“Wait for confirmation. Just, just wait for it. Astrid, send Ben the picture you took of the green stuff. Send it to his tablet.”

“Will do.”

A few minutes later, Chase stomped in. “You know I’m not on the Bridge crew,” he began, glaring at his ex-wife. “And who the hell sent me a picture of a bunch of chlorophyll?”

“Chlorophyll?” asked Ray. The others just stared.

“Yes! Goddamned chlorophyll. I don’t have the time for these shenanigans,” Chase huffed.

“Ben,” Marnie looked him in the eye, “are you absolutely certain that stuff is chlorophyll?”

“I know chlorophyll when I see it. Every botanist does.”

“And the chemical formula, Tom, what do you have on your screen?”

“C55H72O5N4Mg.”

More Quotes from The Enigman Cave (same scene)

“That, C-whatever, that stuff,” Marnie said. “Is that chlorophyll?”

“Yes.” Chase was even more peeved. “Everybody past Biochemistry 101 knows that.”

“They never found it off Earth though, eh?” Marnie asked, playing her trump card.

“What?”

“Here,” Astrid punched up another picture. “This is the atmosphere of the world we’re orbiting.”

Ben leaned over and then looked through the scope at the Scientific station. “Well, I’ll be damned.” He, too, was slack-jawed. “We, we found it.”

“Are you sure?” asked Marnie.

“Yes,” Chase was threatening to become as shell-shocked as Marnie and Tom had been. “Algae can have chlorophyll. They’re technically unicellular. But they, they live communally. I, I would say they, they count as, as multi-cellular.”

“Remember where you were, remember what you were thinking and, and how you felt,” Marnie said to them. “Because this is goddamned history.”

Rating

So if I had to rate The Enigman Cave, I would put it at about T for Teen. Because there are three sex scenes (one alien). Plus there is one incidence of violence but it’s only on screen for a moment. The inciting incident is a pair of deaths but the story starts after that, so I don’t show them.

Also, as I have continued to rewrite and edit the piece, I have ended up realizing that the sex scenes were a bit too explicit. So, they are getting more toned down these days.

Upshot

So, at the time, it was the best book I had ever written. But now? I can’t say. I can still see some parts where it could stand to be trimmed. So now I strongly suspect it will need an overhaul before I can even think about querying it. Or maybe self-publishing it.

As for Marnie and her pals, there will be a prequel.

The Enigman universe has room for some sequels. What do you think?

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White Space is not your Enemy by Kim Golombisky and Rebecca Hagen, a Book ReviewBook Reviews, Killer UX Design, Content Nation by John Blossom, SEO Made Simple, Lee Odden, Dave Kerpen, Liana Evans, dummies, cluetrain manifesto, shama hyder kabadi, Numerati, Guerilla Marketing, White Space, Clay Shirky, Trust Agents, Kristina Halvorson, Stephen King, Zen, William Zinsser, Drupal for Dummies, Executive, XHTML, Communicating Design, Joshua Porter, Strategic Planning, Google Advertising Tools, Web Analytics, Right Hook, David Meerman Scott, web analytics, Revved Up, robot building, Charlene Li, Josh Bernoff, style guide, elements,

White Space is not your Enemy by Kim Golombisky and Rebecca Hagen, a Book Review

Published by Janet Gershen-Siegel on May 30, 2019

White Space is not your Enemy by Kim Golombisky and Rebecca Hagen

I read White Space is Not Your Enemy on my own, and then for class.

White Space is not your Enemy by Kim Golombisky and Rebecca Hagen is a beginning design book. And I purchased it because I definitely need assistance with design. While I (at least I think I do) have something of an understanding of which color goes with which, it is sometimes difficult for me to make something look good. Seeking some inexpensive professional help, I turned to this book.

Practical Help With Your White Space and More

So apart from the obvious title, the book offers tips on color combinations, font selection, focal points and even how to prepare a document for a professional print job. And the chapter on design sins really resonated with me.

I have seen poorly designed advertisements (both online and offline) and websites, and have never really been able to adequately articulate just why they were so hideous. So now I can.

Exercises

The exercises in the back of each chapter seemed, I thought, somewhat superfluous. However, I did find myself beginning to look at designs with a more critical eye.

For example, I noticed a print advertisement where the background photograph was of varied colors. Some were light, some, dark. The print, however, was pure white, and cut horizontally along the middle of the photograph.

Hence this would have been fine, except the copy crashed straight into a white space, so some of the print was invisible. Which part? The company’s name. Epic design fail.

Foolproof

Another extremely helpful chapter: the one on the “works every time” layout. This layout is all over the Internet and all over print media, and for good reason. It is, essentially, a full width photograph or other graphic across the top third of the screen or page, with the remaining two-thirds divided into two vertical columns for text.

A cutline (caption) goes directly underneath the visual (if appropriate; some visuals don’t need a cutline), with a more prominent headline directly below that.

Break up the columns into paragraphs and beware widows and orphans (one or two short words on a line). Place tags (these aren’t Internet meta tags), which are the logo, company name and small nugget of information such as the URL or physical address, in the lower right-hand corner. In addition, round it all out with generous margins all around. Voila! An instant beautiful (albeit somewhat common) layout!

If nothing else, that chapter has a greater value than the price of admission.

Learning Creativity

Creativity cannot, truly, be taught. But the peripherals around it can, such as how to gather ideas and nurture them, and how to place those ideas together in a coherent format. It’s like teaching pottery and smithing but not cookery: you get enough so that you can set the table, but not nourish anyone.

For that, you need to be an artist. And that, sadly, no book can ever teach you.

Rating for White Space is Not Your Enemy

5/5

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