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What Does Social Media Mean to Me?

Social media has become a big part of my life. And here is how that all went down.

The truth is, I started going online in early September of 1997. It was my 35th birthday, and Princess Diana had just died. I was not a big fan of hers.

This does not mean I was actively hostile or even uninterested. It was more that I was not a royals watcher. And I am still not much of one.

Whatever Harry, Meghan, Will, and Kate are doing is not much more fascinating to me than what the Kardashians are doing.

That is, not much at all. But I digress.

I was shocked to find people (this was on MIRC) who had whatnot to talk about. Now, this was not a great swath of highly intellectual jargon. And I was not making deep, long-lasting friendships.

But I was finding out that there were people out there with something to say. And, I was learning that I, too, had what to say.

Then Came the Early Years

I switched over to the New York Times’s forum, Abuzz, in maybe 1999. There, I found more intellectual discussion but also a lot of silliness and a lot of heart. The friendships were deeper.

In fact, I am still friends with some of the people from that time.

When Abuzz finally folded, Able2know.org was born. This continued the smart talk but it also opened up less intellectual talk.

Facebook

I joined Facebook on October 5, 2008.

And when I first got there, it, too, was a more geeky and almost intellectual place. But that changed.

At some point, Facebook converted to a more egalitarian site much like it is today.

And through it all, social media has been my BFF.

Online Personas and Cyber Infidelity, Oh My!

A Look at Online Personas and Cyber Infidelity—Oh My!

Cyber Infidelity? Yep, it sure exists.

Years ago, author Sophie Hannah did some research for a book she was writing. And so, she conducted a survey of Twitter, OKCupid and other sites, in conjunction with just plain out and out asking people – is online infidelity worse than in-person infidelity?

Results

Her results were mixed.

Some of the respondents saw less harm in a relationship where the parties never actually, physically, meet. Others saw it as being more or less the same as a physical affair, or at least an emotional one.

Hannah did this research for her book, The Telling Error. She says,

“The thing about Twitter is that everything is on there, so whatever you’re interested in is there.But it is capable of being incredibly nasty. I noticed that whenever somebody either does something wrong or offends somebody, Twitter will form a kind of aggressive, vindictive mob and start slagging off that person. Almost always, the punishment is worse than the crime.”

Cyber Infidelity: Some Takeaways

For bored and isolated people, social media can often serve as a godsend. Yet with worries such as this, spouses might do well to be cautious. Not necessary jealous, but at least to be wondering a bit, if someone spends seemingly forever online. It does not help that a lot of online behaviors encourage an almost addictive obsession. Because we crave the latest tweets.

We can’t wait to read the next gem from the Huffington Post, or take the latest meaningless quiz from Buzz Feed, or try to prank our friends with the most recent fake news from The Onion. And do not get me started on Candy Crush.

In fact, many of these algorithms and reward systems are designed for, you guessed it, keeping us on the edge of our seats and fully engaged.

Hence the opportunities are all too ample for vulnerable, lonely people to end up typing a little too much with someone else, and for it to turn into sexting and worse.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Making friends online is truly fun and, for a lot of people, the only thing that truly keeps them sane. Consider the shut-in, the 24/7 caregiver, or the spouse of someone on deployment. Or the person crippled by anxiety. They probably aren’t getting a lot of opportunities to talk to people within spitting distance of their age group.

And of course there are people who have a significant other who does not share their fandom. Or just plain bored people.

Every single one of these folks is vulnerable, in some way, to this kind of cheating.

I wonder who will tweet The Scarlet Letter now.

Cyber infidelity? It’s here to stay.


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… And Facebook for All

For Liberty, Justice (?), … and Facebook for All

Facebook matters.

At least, that is what Mark Zuckerberg would want us all to think, wish and feel. I can understand that, a desire to make a website about as universal as possible.

Once the site was no longer exclusive to collegians, the inevitable business model was to universalize it. And the site, today (although that will probably change), has about the best chance to become a truly universal web experience as any site.

And yes, this is despite the advent and rise of AI. It is even despite the fact that a lot of the youngest generations (Generation Alpha and Generation Z, to be more precise) disdain it. After all, they cannot avoid Facebook. Their families and teachers are on it.

Universality

So, are you on the biggest social media site on the planet? Over 3 billion monthly active users are, as of 2025. But, wait, not so fast. Is that number truly accurate? Absolutely not. After all (and for different reasons), my husband and I each have more than one account. Do you?

Even if you do not, I bet you have at least one friend who does, and probably lots more. In particular, if someone has ever been in Facebook ‘jail’, they have probably got at least one separate account.

And that is perfectly all right, and is absolutely permitted by the site (although they would like to change that). And they are trying to….

Real Names

Facebook also pushes for users to go with their correct names. Why? Because if you can hide behind a username, you might flame people more than if you cannot.

Real names also (in theory) help to eliminate duplicates. But in all honesty, how many guys named Mike Brown do you know? I can think of two I have known in my life and that figure is probably more like four or five.

Even middle names might not fix such a duplication issue. There are probably several men with the name of Michael David Brown in the world.

Also, though, another use for real names is better marketing. If you Anglicize your name, then an advertiser might miss that you are Hispanic, and incorrectly market to you.

However, keep in mind that second accounts are far more likely to be under a fake name.

Not So Fast On Those Real Names

We have all seen names which are not quite so perfectly right, though. How many of us have seen married women using a middle name of something like Was(whatever their maiden name was)? Hence Susan Davis might call herself Susan WasSmith Davis.

It is not a perfect solution, and you do not really have to do that, anyway. Still, there are plenty of people who do.

Others might place a nickname within the middle name field. Robert Bob Brady, or Richard Dick Daily. But again, they might not have to.

The more common nicknames are already going to come up in a search, even though, in both of these examples, the nickname starts with a letter different from the full name.

So, Elizabeth (Beth, Liz), William (Bill), Christopher (Chris, Topher {maybe}), and Amanda (Mandy) are all covered.

Still others may try to use stage names, but Facebook would rather you just create a fan page or have someone do so for you. This is not just to nicely help you keep your personal and professional lives separate. It is also to market to your fan base better.

After all, even your most avid fans might not be too thrilled by a celebrity talking about the logistics of getting to a local hardware store.

No Real Name, No, I Mean it, Facebook!

Then there are people who have damned good reasons for never using their real names, such as people escaping domestic violence. Facebook has gotten better and more sensitive when it comes to such needs.

And, FB may very well have to deal with this issue for anyone who becomes a victim of identity theft due to DOGE’s bull in a china shop-style actions. We shall see.

Why Facebook?

The site’s main purpose (in case you are just coming into the light after a few decades on a desert island), is to sell advertising. Its offshoot purpose is to connect people, of all stripes, for free. But it is those connections which sell the advertising.

There is a lot else to it, at least on a general basis. But it is still a valuable business tool for any Social Media Marketing Campaign.

But never forget: you are the product that Facebook is selling.

In fact, that is a good rule of thumb: if it is online and it is free, then guess what they are selling?*

*Note: me? I am selling books, and my own services.

The Best Parts of the Site for Social Media Marketing

Facebook’s main virtues, when it comes to your business, can currently be divided into three basic areas:

• Personal pages and peripheral connections to same
† Company pages and groups and peripheral connections thereto, and,
• Offsite connections back to the site

By “peripherals”, I mean all the extra stuff that goes along with the site experience, and not computer hardware peripherals.

In addition, FB Marketplace may or may not be a decent place for some people and companies to get some sales traction. But I would not count on it, if I were you.

The Concept of Universal-ish Reach at Facebook

Beyond just the sheer numbers, Facebook is extremely good at putting people together who are similar. You always get friend suggestions, yes? Those people tend to either have friends in common with you, or they have some other characteristic in common with you.

That ‘in common’ bit might be home town. Or it might be favorite sports team. Another possible connection could be where you work.

Now, face it: if you work in a huge Fortune 50 company, then you will have tons of coworkers. And the chances are beyond good that you will not know everyone. You may not even know everyone in your office building or even on your floor.

So sometimes when a friend request arises, it may feel like a mystery. Hence – look for a commonality. Sometimes commonality is religion, by the way.

So, if you are a Muslim person working in New York City for a huge company like Exxon, the people that FB tags as being somehow related to you is laughably long.

Clutches of People

But getting back to the people you do connect with. It is perfectly natural to hang out with the people you went to high school with, or who love the same sports team you do. You might feel more comfortable with fellow cancer survivors, horse people, etc.

Or you might want to set up a political echo chamber. Another thing you might want to do is spend time with people in the same profession as you, and do some networking (although LinkedIn really is better for that).

But no matter what, we people tend to group together. It is a natural tendency. We have been gathering together since before there was a Homo sapiens species.

Facebook just exploits that. Really, really well.

And if antitrust cases go one way, they might not in the future. But we do not know that yet.

Takeaways

FB friendships are as real and powerful and intimate as those which originated offline. I know more than one couple who met and married after initially meeting there. Don’t you?


Click to buy Untrustworthy on Amazon

Want More About Facebook?

If my experiences with Facebook resonate with you, then please be sure to check out my other blog posts about the largest social network on the planet, by far.

Creating a Facebook page
Working with a Facebook Page
… Your Profile Page
Offsite Sharing
All Your Account Settings
All the Rest of It
Facebook versus Forums

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Social Media Continues its Relentless Pace

Ever feel like you’re on an online treadmill? Well, you just might be falling victim to social media’s relentless pace.

Social Media Continues its Relentless Pace to Try to Make You Stay Put

It’s a relentless pace out there. And much like the holidays accelerate the end of the year, and we suddenly look up on January 7th or so and wonder exactly what the hell just happened, social media is continuing to not so much reap the whirlwind as to be the whirlwind. But at the same time, there’s an effort afoot to slow down and control the whirlwind.

Twitter’s Relentless Pace

Case in point: Twitter has implemented changes, over the course of its history, that are designed to keep people on as long as possible.

They do this by embedding media more directly and making it so that you don’t have to leave Twitter’s embrace in order to enjoy a clip or a photograph. Often, this means shortening a URL.

So far, so good. But shortened URLs can allow for more malware exploits. It’s like one step forward, a step back and another one to the side.

Facebook’s Relentless Pace

Facebook, yet again, looks to change its layout. In fact, it changes it every single day. They are the biggest A/B testing site on the planet, bar none! So, what’s changing? What isn’t?

The profile is going to become richer and provide more information. This may or may not be useful to users but it will certainly keep them on longer. At least, that will happen in the beginning, when it’s a novel concept.

As time has passed, we have all seen how Facebook has attempted to become more things to more people. Is that good? Well, it can be.

But it also means that people have to take it more seriously. Somewhat ridiculously rigid rules on verbiage force people into typing silly stuff like ‘unalive’.

LinkedIn’s Relentless Pace

Long ago, LinkedIn tried adding Signal to make it easier to track even more of the social media avalanche – and, of course, to try to keep people on LinkedIn as long as possible.

Currently, they are using status types of communications. Sounds a lot like Facebook, eh?

LinkedIn also pushes articles, and tries to get you to follow thought leadership. Not a bad idea over all. Except anyone can, conceivably, become a thought leader. Kinda. Just post enough, and get a big enough follow. This is not a bad gig if you can get it, but it can also be a dandy way to spread misinformation, sports fans.

The Common Thread

What these changes have had in common, other than, perhaps, novelty for the sake of novelty, is the desire to keep people on site as long as possible. Put some tar down, and have us all stick, at least for a while.

So while the internet spins ever faster, and social media sites attempt to keep up, their overall strategies seem to try to slow us all down. Will it work? Is it a foolish dream to think you can keep people around with such tricks, such slick bells and whistles?

The Lack of Meaningful Content

What disturbs me is that there’s not a lot of content happening. And it would, could, should make me want to hang around. Instead of hiring writers to improve things, or rewarding good current content providers, each of the big three sites is instead pursuing a software solution.

But what’s the sense in hanging around a site if the content isn’t compelling? Or are we, instead, merely getting the sites that we, perhaps, deserve?

Hence here’s what happens if my Facebook friends list is dominated by people I went to High School with over thirty years ago. Their status updates and my wall have a lot of news of their birthdays, their children (and grandchildren these days), and their careers. But isn’t that what we would expect?

And if I instead tip my list in a different direction, and it’s suddenly dominated by the people I work with or diet with or do artwork with, the news is going to be different.

In particular, politically, you can see very different versions of each site, depending on your bubble. After all, a lot of us prefer to see people we like and agree with. … and that’s how we get ideological bubbles.

Comparison to Reality TV

One thing about Reality TV is that it’s anything but real if it’s at all successful. Because people just, generally, don’t lead terribly interesting lives (yes, you too, gentle reader). We pick up the dry cleaning. Or we bicker over the remote. We forget to buy sausages and make do with hot dogs. And around and around and around we go.

And all three of these really big social media sites, when we are not following celebrities and businesses, are really just a big agglomeration of Post-It Notes whereby we tell each other to grab milk on the way home. For “Reality” to be compelling at all, it’s got to be unreal, and scripted. It must become this fight or that rose ceremony or this other weird pancake-making challenge.

The big three older social media sites, when you strip away the celebrities and the companies, can be a boatload of errands or a standard-form holiday letter. You know the kind, where you learn little Suzie has taken up the clarinet. Over and over ad infinitum.

No wonder we need software solutions to keep us there. The relentless pace continues.

Whither TikTok and the Rest?

TikTok shackles you to it by way of its algorithm (sound familiar)? Like one video and you get sucked into the next one, and the next, and then the next one after that. The videos are short, so it doesn’t feel like a relentless pace.

Until you look up and realize that four hours have gone by.

It’s a lot like eating a bag of potato chips. You stick your hand in, grab a few or a big handful, and go to town. It doesn’t feel like a lot, until suddenly the bag is empty and you’re thirsty from all the salt.

In the world of dieting, the conventional wisdom is to portion out your chips. Fill a smaller bag and put a clip on the bigger one, and stick it back in the cabinet. In short, have some discipline and a smidgen of self-control.

With TikTok or anything else, unless we put a timer on our sessions or have external pressures getting us off the virtual hamster wheel, our lives pass us by as we succumb to the relentless pace.

Dang, I am a ray of sunshine sometimes, eh?


Want More About Social Media?

If my experiences with non-platform-specific social media resonate with you, then check out my other articles about navigating our social media obsessed world.

Social Media in Our Society

Social Media Continues its Relentless Pace
Social Media’s Seduction AKA Oops, Did I Do That?
Social Media Background Check Being Used For Jury Selection
Social Media: Hope, Hype or What?
Social Media Balance
How Social Media Can Ruin Your Life
Happy Holidays, Social Media Style

Reviews of Books on Social Media

Social Media Marketing by Liana Evans, A Book Review
Book Review – Likeable Social Media by Dave Kerpen
The Zen of Social Media Marketing by Shama Hyder Kabani, a Book Review

Working with Social Media

A Day in the Life of a Social Media Marketer
Five Ways for Charities to use Social Media
Four Important Social Media Stats
Social Networking/Social Media Tips
The Best Lengths for Social Media Posts and More
Jell-O on the Wall: Social Media Perfection is Fleeting
When NOT to Post on Social Media Platforms

Social Media for Writers

The Power of Social Media (Neurotic Writers’ Edition)
Social Media and Writing
Social Media and Writing Part 2
Social Media and Writing Part 3
Are You Promoting Your Writing With Social Media?

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Community Management – Look at Me!

C’mon and Look at Me! Look at Me!

C’mon and look!

Ah, marketing.

We have all seen it done well, and we have all seen it done not so well, and even downright poorly. Now let’s look at applying it to your extant community.

A poorly executed marketing strategy cannot only turn off your preexisting users; it can also get your site marked as a Spammer. And the scarlet S can get your site unceremoniously dumped from Google. And that means, essentially, the equivalent of the death of the site.

Long Story Short: Never Spam

In order to effectively market your community, you need to cover three kinds of SEO/Marketing. Those are onsite, offsite and offline. Onsite will be covered later in this series, and that information will not be repeated herein.

Plus, it may seem a tad counter-intuitive, but onsite marketing is not necessarily that big of a deal.

Yes, you need good keywords and you need good content. But after that, your optimization and marketing efforts need to move to something different. As in SEO.

Look at Me Doing Offsite Marketing

Offsite can be (mainly) divided into two areas:

1. Search Engines
2. Social Media

Consider Search Engines

You must submit your site to Google. However, do not submit to any other search engines. Why? Because the non-Google share of the market is virtually nonexistent (sorry, Bing). Hence this is a waste of your time, and they will likely pick up your site from Google anyway.

So do not use a blasting service. Heavens, no. You will never, ever need it and it is absolutely not worth it.

There are still some directories you can submit to (depending upon your site and its overall purpose). So, these include places like Google My Business, CitySearch and Yelp.

It can be best to do well locally and rise to the top of the search engine rankings for specific search terms like, say, Indiana Relationship Forums, than to attempt to break into the top rankings for a more general terms, such as Relationship Forums.

Consider directories and even search engines in other languages, too!

And if your site really does not fit within a particular directory, never submit to it. For if you do, all you are asking for is an exercise in futility.

Look at Social Media

Social media implies interactivity, and not just voting links up or down, perhaps laced with the occasional comment.

While there are international ones (and if you have a perfect match between your content and their focus, then by all means establish a presence thereat), you really only care about the following:

Facebook – an official fan page helps for any number of reasons. First of all, it can make your site known to friends, family members, business colleagues and any other connections to your site’s currently existing users.

And you can use it to post photographs and links directly back to your site. Furthermore, you can use it as a rallying point during both expected (and unexpected) site outages.

Twitter/X – even if your users are not, generally, on Twitter, it is still a useful marketing tool. Try feeding in a slice of the site via RSS. Just like with Facebook, this can expand the network of persons who know about your site.

If X is not a fit ideologically (for you or your userbase or both), then by all means consider Bluesky or the like instead.

LinkedIn (if applicable) – if your site is attached to a going concern, then at minimum make sure the company listing on LinkedIn is correct. And make sure all of the company employees directly linking their profiles to it.

Furthermore, make sure your site blog and social media streams are configured to feed and accept updates.

A Look at More Social Media

† Pinterest – demographics tend to skew heavily female and over thirty-five. Got a restaurant? A shoe store? Wedding products or services? A women’s health collective? A feminist bookstore? Go to Pinterest – but only if you have excellent images.

• Got great images but less of a female-centric slant? Consider Instagram instead.

† Tumblr – demographics skew heavily under thirty-five and even under twenty-five. Got a video game? An indie film? Go to Tumblr, but recognize that it is a lot more niche and fandom-centric.

Seeing as MySpace became niche before finally going belly up, you may find that Tumblr feels a little too much on its way out.

• Snapchat – demographics skew toward teens and tweens? Consider this fast-moving site for everything from soft drinks to acne cream to fashion.

† YouTube – longer form video content is a great way to get a message across.

• TikTok – 100% content-centric. Show this slice of the world what you are made of. This is for short-form video content and it is very algorithmically-driven, so you had better tag your stuff extremely well.

Back Linking

Backlinking is where you get others to add your site link to their own websites. Back-links help a great deal as Google gives them weight when determining the importance and influence of your site. And that is directly linked to search placement.

You always do better when more trusted sites link back to you. Do not get spammers to link to you.

Blogs

For your blog, you can add a blogroll of other sites you admire. Just as importantly, post comments on those sites. This provides value to those other people, so they are more likely to spontaneously wish to link back to you.

Blogrolls can feel old fashioned these days, but they are not completely useless, particularly if you are getting backlinks in return.

In addition, do not leave it all to happenstance. Put a link on your site and approach the webmaster of that site and politely ask for a back link.

Some people are happy to oblige. Others are not, so remove their links from your site after a reasonable amount of time. Some may simply think about it, so give them a little time.

And be reasonable, but also be reasonable with yourself. If you are not getting link backs, try to figure out why. Are your requests too aggressive? Or do you ask people with wholly unrelated sites?

Do you, perhaps, have no content (or no meaningful content) for them to associate with? Look at your site with a critical eye before throwing in the towel.

Truly Offline Marketing and Optimization

Offline marketing and optimization can mean going back to techniques used before – shudder – there even was an Internet. Before computers even existed.

Depending upon your budget and your site’s overall purpose, offline marketing can range from something as simple as business cards or baseball caps or tee shirts with the site logo to a 30-second spot during the Super Bowl.

It can even be completely free. After all, any time you mention your site to someone else, didn’t you just market it?

Look, sitting back and waiting for your site to take off will almost never work. You need to market it, particularly in the beginning. Get your name out there!

Want More About Community Management?

If my experiences with community management resonate with you, then check out my other blog posts about how online communities work.

Here are some posts about my years in community management, and what I have learned.


A Day in the Life of a Community Manager
† Analytics (see link below)
Going From a Collection of Users to a True Community
Risks of a Community Without Management
Are Off Topic Posts Ever Okay?

Click to buy Untrustworthy on Amazon

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The Conquest of LinkedIn – Your Profile Page

To Continue the Conquest of LinkedIn, Let’s Look at Your Profile Page

What’s up with your profile page?

You’re doing it. And you’ve got your resume up. You’re answering questions. And you’re joining groups. You’re even meeting people offline. But you aren’t getting an enormous number of invitations to connect.

Or, perhaps, you’re blogging and tweeting. But you’re not getting a lot of readers in either medium. And you’d love to get some of your LinkedIn buddies to read some of your stuff. Maybe you want to use your writing and social media skills as a part of your overall job search strategy.

So the most obvious place to look, and to fix, is your Profile page.

Just like with a resume, a news story, or even if you were trying to sell your home, it pays to spruce up the first thing people see. Hence special care should be taken, as this is your first (and it may very well be your only) chance to make an impression.

There are any number of things you can do to assure that this impression is a positive one.

Driving Traffic

And, you can even use it to help you drive a little traffic to your own website and/or blog. Here’s how:

• Make sure that you make use of all available fields, and customize these as you are able.
† Next, list your blog.
• and I also recommend adding X or Bluesky.

If another social media platform will fit better, then add your details there as well, such as YouTube for videographers.

More You Can Do With Your Profile Page

So assuming that your resume has been integrated in its entirety, your next task should be to update the summary and specialties sections in your profile page. First of all, the specialties section is essentially just for keywords, so load them up.

However, the summary section should be more grammatical. So don’t make it an old-fashioned and generic personal statement. Instead, highlight your main differences here.

Pix, Pictures, Images, You Get the Idea

Include a current, clear, professional image of yourself. And once that image becomes, say, about five, eight, ten or so years old, replace it with a newer one.

URL City, Baby!

LinkedIn won’t give you a nice URL unless you essentially make your own. But they offer instructions for customization. After all, it is absolutely in LinkedIn’s best interests for you to put your LinkedIn URL on, say, your resume, your business cards, etc.

And most people won’t do that if the URL is breathtakingly ugly.

It’s a very, very easy thing to do, and there is truly no excuse not to polish your URL.

Posts and Takeaways

Yes, you can add posts to your profile page (a feature which seems to come and go). But you don’t have to. This isn’t Facebook, so a continual stream of statuses (statii?) is not expected.

Finally, with a little polish, your front door (profile page) can look mighty inviting to all.


Want More About the Conquest of LinkedIn?

If my experiences with LinkedIn resonate with you, then check out my other articles about the largest networking site on the planet.

What LinkedIn Has to Offer

Your Profile Page
Your Resume
Meeting Offline
Your Network
Giving Your LinkedIn Profile A Facelift
Last Little Bits
InMaps – Visualize Your Network on LinkedIn

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Community Management — The Circle Game

Community Management Tidbits – The Circle Game

What the heck is the Circle Game? Er, I do not mean this one. Don’t even think about it.

Forums have cycles, and so do users. That is, there is a start to them coming to your site and joining. But there is also a middle piece. And, inevitably, there is an end.

Community Phases are the Backbone of This Circle Game

There is not a lot that you can do about this. You can, however, stretch out the individual phases.

Discovery

The first phase is discovery. It all starts with excitement. The user has found your forum! It seems huge! The user can never possibly read everything. The whole thing is all too much.

It is heady, and the user may very well tell everyone he or she knows about you. Or, the user might want you all to him or herself. Either can happen.

Nesting

The next phase is nesting. The user makes friends and starts to get into an enclave or two. Enclaves are little groups within your forum, whether formal or informal. Even if your forum does not have actual designated groups, per se, this still happens.

In a community for single fathers, for example, a user might hang around with other users who became first-time fathers after the age of forty. In a folk music forum, a user might spend time with (and follow around) other users from Ohio.

This is perfectly normal – a carving of familiarity in an alien sea. But it does set up the next phase.

Boredom

The next phase is boredom. The community has too much sameness and does not seem to be changing quickly or thoroughly enough, so far as this particular user is concerned. But the user sticks around, however, grudgingly.

Departure

The final phase is departure. Whether that comes with a bang (a user suspension) or a whimper (the user simply fails to sign in any more), is immaterial.

Or, there is a third type of endgame, where the user posts a topic about their departure. This topic can be fond, hostile or even a ploy to get other users to beg that person to stay. Or to get other users to join them in exiting—or going elsewhere.

Do not put it past people to use their departure as a means of gathering friends or fans or followers in some new pasture. They want to start their own, new circle game. But they do not feel like putting in the time or effort to build an audience.

Fighting Back and Reversing the Circle Game

Does it always have to be this way? Well, this kind of a cycle is more or less inevitable.

The trick is to stretch out the first two phases, discovery and nesting, as much as possible, or to have the user cycle back from boredom to nesting again (e. g. to find a different group to hang with).

Or, a positive situation would be if the boredom phase were at least short (and put off) so that the departure phase would not be a suspension. And it would be less fraught with meaning.

Because a user taking leave, no matter how popular that user is, will leave behind less of a hole if they are a part of a 100,000-person forum versus a 100-user community.

How do you do this? By phases, of course!

Discovery, Reimagined

The Discovery phase of the circle game has two essential elements: new users and new topics. Increase both with good SEO and with encouraging as much user participation as possible.

Nesting, Transformed

The Nesting phase can be encouraged and promoted by keeping your community a safe, warm and welcoming place. Having formal specific groups is not strictly necessary for this, but it can be of help if your users are struggling in this area.

And, if you do go with formal groups, ask your users which groups they would like. They might surprise you. And it (almost) does not matter whether a group is terribly active.

It will still serve its purpose, to continue to afford your users with a friendly place within the forum, even if it is small. This is a place they can call their own.

Boredom, Shortened

The Boredom phase of the circle game can be delayed and/or truncated by keeping the twin flows of new users and new topics going. This means more and better SEO, offering new features and encouraging your users to continue adding new, interesting and diverse topics.

What if you simply cannot think of new topic fodder? So try taking a stand on a controversial subject, or ask for comments on a related news article. Or look in your archives, and see if an older subject might benefit from a fresh, new take.

Circle Game Departure, Delayed

Finally, the Departure phase of the circle game can, of course, be put off if the first two phases stretch out. When departure happens, do not ask most users to stay. Unless you have a very tiny forum, this kind of behavior will be impossible to scale.

And it generally does not put off the inevitable for too terribly long. Instead, try to find out from the user just why they are leaving.

Except for purely personal, internal circumstances (e. g. the user just started a new job and has no time for your community any more), there may be something you can learn from and improve on.

And asking why will also give you an opportunity, not to entreat the user to stay, but to let the user know that he or she is welcome to return at any time.

The Circle Game: Takeaways

Your users’ interest in your community will wax and wane. You cannot always do anything about it, but if an effort is made, your users are generally going to appreciate that. And your circle game will go on.

Want More About Community Management?

If my experiences with community management resonate with you, then please be sure to check out my other blog posts about how online communities work.

Here are some posts about my years in community management, and what I have learned.


A Day in the Life of a Community Manager
† Analytics (see below for link)
Going From a Collection of Users to a True Community
Risks of a Community Without Management
Are Off Topic Posts Ever Okay?

Click to buy Untrustworthy on Amazon

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Happy Holidays, Social Media Style

Happy Holidays, in Social Media and Every Style

Happy Holidays!

Oh, I do so wish I had written this.

This sweet video says so much more about Social Media than most can say, and it does it in a breezy, easy to understand style.

The main idea behind this rather detailed video consists of a retelling of the Nativity Story. The video does so through the medium of social media, with everything from Facebook statuses to Foursquare check-ins, to tweets, and more.

Even email gets into the act. The Virgin Mary apparently uses Gmail.

Even More

And then there is even more, with a look at Nazareth from Google Earth. Of course there is a check for directions from Nazareth to Bethlehem. A check for hotel space reveals only a stable available (but of course). Joseph buys a cow (from Farmville, I would guess).

The Magi discuss their offerings (over Gmail – man, Google has its hands in everything!). And they pick up their gold, frankincense and myrrh at, you guessed it, Amazon.  X gets into the act as the Magi, naturally, follow the star there (very clever play on words there).

Eventually, the visit to the baby by the Magi ends up on video. Someone uploads it to – could there be any other place more perfect? – YouTube. The video shows, I suspect, a play.

Lovely Ideas Made Manifest for Your Happy Holidays

Now, in the interests of full disclosure, this is not even my holiday. But it is never heavy-handed. It always has a light touch. That is a big part of why this kind of happy holidays video works.

Much like with the best forms of advertising, you never really know that you’re being talked to. Or preached to, for that matter.

Or, perhaps, sold to.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

This beautifully made and cleverly written and produced video comes to us from ExcentricGrey, which is evidently a Portuguese advertising firm. They report that this viral video has over 20 million views.

Viewers are concentrated more in the United States and Western Europe than elsewhere, a function (probably) at least in part due to the video being made available in both English and Portuguese.

Oddly enough, Portugal did not seem to have a very big concentration of viewers. Neither did Portuguese-speaking Brazil, Mozambique or Angola.

Enjoy, and have a wonderful holiday.


Click to buy Untrustworthy on Amazon

Want More About Social Media?

If my experiences with non-platform-specific social media resonate with you, then please be sure to check out my other blog posts about navigating our social media obsessed world.

Social Media’s Seduction AKA Oops, Did I Do That?
Social Media Background Check Being Used For Jury Selection
How Social Media Can Ruin Your Life
Social Media Balance
Social Media: Hope, Hype or What?

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Optimizing Twitter

Let’s Take a Look at Optimizing Twitter/X

Now that you’re on it, it’s time to start optimizing Twitter AKA X. And please keep in mind: a lot of what I am talking about where will work perfectly well on Bluesky.

After all, the same people made them both.

Lists for Optimizing Twitter/X

What are lists on X?

You may have noticed people who have a rather different follower to following ratio than you do. What do I mean by that?

Let’s say you follow 100 people. And 1000 people follow you. The ratio of follower to following is 100:1000, or 1:10. This is fantastic. Celebrities often have ratios that look like this, or even better, where they might be following 100 accounts but there are 100,000 people following them. Or more!

Newbies often end up at the other end of the spectrum, with 1000 people they are following and 100 are following them, for 10:1.  If you want to just read for the most part, this is perfectly fine, except it tends to not mark you as a thought leader.

Celebs and Optimizing Twitter/X

Now, most people don’t sit down and calculate ratios. But they do glance at profiles. Someone like Sir Patrick Stewart, for example, might be following some 200 people but he’s followed by 2,000,000. Hence people will really notice if he starts following them.

Does he (or any other celebrity, major or minor) have a sparse news feed? Probably not. Because he might be using lists.

Go to the profile of someone you want to follow but, instead of hitting follow, pull down on the gear wheel and select Add to or Remove from Lists.

Your lists will show up, and you can add someone to several at a time, or make a new list. You can even decide whether you want your list to be public.

Go to your own profile (e. g. click on your profile rather than your settings) and you’ll see whose lists you are on.

Why use a list rather than follow? You’ll still see that person’s tweets in your feed, but your ratio won’t change. Furthermore, a public list tells everyone what you’re interested in. How about lists for indie authors, agents, or publishers?

You can also follow others’ lists. Maybe someone will find yours to be definitive and will follow it.

Who to Follow

Well, who should you follow on X?

Sometimes you want to publicly follow someone, rather than add them to a list. So long as you keep these people special, then this is perfectly great. I tend to keep friends as open follows and anyone more business-related on lists. But you may prefer otherwise.

Follow fellow indie writers (this is a community, after all), or publishers, or agents. Consider who can help you, and who you can help, and follow accordingly.

How to #Hashtag

What’s a hashtag, and how do you make one that isn’t lame?

A hashtag is a means of searching on X. Hashtag something as, say, #amwriting, and click on that, and you’re led to a slice of X of everyone who used that hashtag. Hashtags don’t look good if you use a ton of them.

Don’t just indiscriminately hashtag! Also, keep them short. #ILovePuppiesAndDolphinsAndUnicorns is probably not going to be something used by anyone else, or at least not that frequently. But #ILovePuppies is pretty popular.

Experiment by searching before you hashtag. Beware, your innocent-looking hashtag might already be coopted for an unexpected usage. Just do a search on #NeverForget or #IStayedBecause and you’ll know what I mean.

Takeaways for Optimizing Twitter AKA X

Consider your peers. Who do you love to follow and read? Who doesn’t seem to be trying too hard? Of course, if you want to start optimizing Twitter/X, you should copy what the former does.


Want More About Twitter AKA X?

If my experiences with X resonate with you, then please be sure to check out my other blog posts about X. While it’s now got a new name, and has changed considerably, a lot of these tips will still work. And often they will work with other social media platforms as well.

Almost Everything But the Tweet

Starting a Twitter Stream
Demystifying Twitter/X
Twitter, Social Media and Professionalism
Conquering X/Twitter (verbal elements)
Conquering Twitter/X (visual elements)
Twitter/X (metrics and timing)
X/Twitter (offsite connections)

And, if you’re a fellow writer, you may want to check out:
PitMad on Twitter/X

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MSWL (Manuscript Wish List)

A Look at MSWL (Manuscript Wish List)

Have you ever seen the #MSWL hashtag on Twitter? It stands for Manuscript Wish List.

So, what the heck is a Manuscript Wish List?

What do publishers and agents want?

Agents and publishers have seen it all, or at least they think they have. They are on the lookout for something new but not so new, if that makes any sense.

Huh? you ask. Originality is important, yes, but the main objective for both agents and publishers is to acquire works which will sell.

Does your work have a coherent buyer persona, or ideal reader? Does it fit neatly into one or two genres? And what about works which are harder to define? What do you do?

If Manuscript Wishes were horses …

For #MSWL, at any time during the year, agents and publishers tweet about what they are looking for. Pay attention to their verbiage! Usually it’s something like Looking for cowboy version of The Hunger Games. If your manuscript fits the bill, answer them. If not, do not waste their and your time. That way lies madness, and it can actually hurt your cause.

This second MSWL site seems less ‘official’ but still has good information.

Manuscript Wish List: Takeaways

A tip: if you are answering an #MSWL, be sure to add something about your genre, e. g. #SF for science fiction, or #Romance, etc.

Above all, be sure to have fun with it. Who knows? It just might work out for you. However, there is a chance that it might not. In the meantime, you’ll keep getting better at presenting your work and, by extension, yourself.

Since so many independent writers seem to be so godawful at self-promotion, it will always pay to practice. This is a great exercise. It forces you to both be concise and to be coherent.

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Working With a Facebook Page

Working With a Facebook Page

How do you go about working with a Facebook page?

Keep in mind that Facebook is constantly A/B testing (e. g. checking to see if new layouts or color schemes, etc. will make you click more), so these instructions might be a little out of date after a while. This is what currently works. Caveat emptor.

Adding Images When Working With a Facebook Page

Images are always helpful. Use them as a measure of branding for your work and always use images you have permission to post!

If someone else created or photographed an image you are using, even if you now own the rights, it is a courtesy to link to them and give them a shout out.

A lot of my father’s and husband’s photography is on my personal author page, and people like to see newer work from them.

It’s just another way to acknowledge that this is a community and this solitary pursuit is far from being completely solitary.

Some Details for Working With a Facebook Page

Since these change all the time, I can’t go into a lot of detail (sorry!). However, for your company or author page, you’ll most likely want to add to and update things like the background image. Add events and post to the wall as you like.

I would also strongly suggest adding an image every single time you update. Text-only updates get lost in people’s feeds. Images are less likely to be missed.

Working On And Handling Updates

It’s all about the updates. You can schedule a few months in advance, so make a point of doing this.

You can cover a lot more if you spread out your work and set it to emerge at various times; just look at your insights to get an idea of when people are online, and match to those times as well as you are able to.

Setting Up a ‘Buy Now’ Button

You will definitely want one of these. Right in front of your background image, there are three buttons. The one on the left (which is actually in the middle of your background) is a variable.

Pull down on it and choose what you want to showcase. Select Edit Call to Action and enter a link directly to buy your work. Be sure it is a link directly to your work on Amazon or Smashwords or wherever.

That is, clear away the extraneous junk on the URL. So, for Amazon works, this is everything after the ISBN.

If you have nothing to currently sell, you can always upload a YouTube video and change the call to action to a call to watch a video on your site. There are other choices such as Call Now. So, use whatever works best for your needs.

And if you want to start advertising on Facebook, well, that’s a whole other thing…


Click to buy Untrustworthy on Amazon

Want More About Facebook?

If my experiences with Facebook resonate with you, then please be sure to check out my other blog posts about the largest social network on the planet, by far.

Creating a Facebook page
Working with a Facebook Page
… Your Profile Page
Home Page
Offsite Sharing
All Your Account Settings
All the Rest of It
Facebook versus Forums

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